Tube Reading, Sexless Ants and Brazilian Lingerie

Whilst the weather can't make up it's mind, why not take the tube to some of London's favourite tourist attractions. Whilst you're about it, pick up a good read. Once a month novels are given outside certain tube stations and can be dropped off once they are read. Makes a change from all those free papers that end up stuck to the bottom of your foot, or lanced at you whilst you walk down Oxford Street...

Remember those science fiction films you saw as a kid (or maybe also as a grown up?) where the villains use cloning to produce their perfect race of soldiers? Well, amazonian ants have started cloning themselves, so they no longer need to mate in order to reproduce. As it's known by all that ants will take over the world someday, surely this is the first wakeup call, that this day is coming soon?...

Considering taking the missus away on a dirty weekend? Well don't think about coming to the UK. A Brazilian woman has been refused entry to Newcastle airport (after also being denied to enter Belfast too after it was found that she had a lot of underwear in her suitcase, but little else. It just goes to show that one should travel without any clothes then...although I bet you'll be turned back for other reasons as well...

Looking for that unusual gift for someone special? Well the new rage in Australia is paper made from wombat poo. Yep, this isn't just any recycling, it's exporting the sewage that one would normally pump out into the sea or bury in land fills. Genius...

The so-called environmental bonus in Germany is under mounting criticism that it's creating scrapyards full of cars that would otherwise have been resold. Cars with less than 20k on the clock, 9 years old, sparkling condition are all being scrapped as the Germans get a bonus off purchase of their new car. Of course this means more people are buying smaller cars now (the bonus is therefore a higher discount) but also, as Germans are used to changing their cars every other year, it's created a surge in scraps which are perfectly ok to drive, and probably not even environmentally worse than the newer ones they buy. It reminds me of a time (1939?) when all metal objects were collected by the government in order for them to make products of their own...

Now for something completely different. You may have asked why are people on the telly always good looking? Why aren't there any not-so-good-looking people that have talent? Well, in Britain's Got Talent a lady named Susan Boyle appeared, astounding critics with her marvelous rendition of Les Miserables, despite coming on stage to jeers and laughs. You have to see this video of it. Very enlightening...

So get your karaoke out and start practicing...

Meat, Sex and Pineapples

According to new research, eating the famous bacon sarnie after going on a bender does actually help to cure your hangover. It wouldn't surprise many of us, however, things like this we have known since the heady days of Selly Oak life. What we're still waiting for is the proof that having a curry at 4am after coming back from a club also helps one to lose weight...

It appears that chimps have finally figured out the meaning of life. The male chimps now know that if they share their portion of meat with the ladies, they get to mate more often than their greedy cousins. Of course there will be nervousness around the hut, with rumours of a "meat for sex" scandal to erupt soon...

So you've come to a foreign country to film a video, and you decide to have a break and go and grab a bite to eat. Who do you leave protecting your expensive camera kit? A security guard? Policeman? Some big bloke who needs the money? Well these japanese decided that leaving some poor guy dressed in a pineapple outfit would be enough. As you can imagine, the camera kit vanished quicker than you could say pineapple juice...

Always on the lookout for great job descriptions, the swedish have decided that they are missing out on claiming tax on people stripping on the web. So some poor guy has to go around visiting all the stripping webcam sites of the internet, checking to see if one of the strippers could be swedish, who he then tries to contact in order to get a name or address so that he can then send off a tax bill to her. Must be a difficult job to find people for...maybe the community could do it for him...

Do your bit...

Sunning it up

So, you've finished looking at the pictures of the Mainz Carnival 2009, and wanting to know what to do? Well, you should have gone down to Colombia in March. Great weather (sun, 35 degrees celsius in Barranquilla), great food (perrito italo-hawaiano, chuzo de pollo desgranado con mazorca, sancocho, arequipe, fritanga...), great music (Santana in concert) so I hope you can understand why I didn't update this blog for a while :)

Anyways, the world has moved on over the last month. The sun has actually come to work part-time in Mainz. Yes, the last couple of days we've had sunny spells, and temperatures rising to 18 degrees! Time to put the winter clothes away and get those shorts back out...

If you're planning on going down to the Black Forest, double check which hotel you've booked into, as one in particular has decided to go naturist. Clothes are completely forbidden. Just make sure you don't order a hot dog...

How to annoy everyone at a political summit? Hold up the starting speech by talking on your phone. That's what Berlusconi decided to do at the NATO summit. I wonder whether the Italians pay his roaming charges...

Get those grills cleaned up, if this keeps up we'll be having a barbie next week :)

A little bit of the Carnival in Mainz 2009

Polish Drivers, Best Sarnies, and Chavez Dictates

The Carnival is underway here in Mainz, which means that you meet even stranger people on the street than normal, any style goes, and that there's always enough broken glass on the floor to cut your shoes open. Well, I suppose that's what the alcohol is for - it stops you worrying about these sort of problems. Today the children get to process in the pouring rain. Maybe it'll dry up by Monday when there are meant to be half a million extra people in the city...

If you were reading the driving license of a foreign national what would you think would be the most important piece of information on it? Maybe the name of the driver? Well not if you're in Ireland. On the police computer systems there are aver 50 people with the equivalent name of Mr Driving License. Good to know that the streets are safe...

Feeling peckish? Well why don't you pop down to Bob's Big Bite in Stourbridge and get your hands on a great bacon sandwich (as rated by the AA guide). Definitely one not to miss...

Want to get one over on a mate? Ten try copying this prank which sent a Manchurian up to Glasgow to see his new internet love, only to find she didn't exist. It brings a new level to team rivalry.

Hugo Chavez has pulled it off and is now able to be elected president of Venezuela as many times as he likes. The favourable vote nothing to do with the fact that the law also applies to all state positions...

So get your fancy costume on (yes, I mean you, Carlitos) and get down to the parade...

Chips and Ironing Boards, Missing Apostrophes, German Spies

As the snow and rain do their worst, there are some things in life that brighten up your day. Watching Wales play against England in the Rugby Six Nations yesterday is one of them (want to know the rules, watch this). Great game, helped along with the company of Carlitos and Luigi and a couple of beers. Hearing that I've become a godfather and uncle at the same time is another.

The Deutsche Bahn are having a bit of a problem now, as it turns out that they have been secretly spying on their employees, and their families. It gives most of the population a bitter taste harking back to the days of the third reich. Maybe the investigations were the reason why the trains always came late...

Ever wondered why a chippy always smells good when you pass by? Well according to new research, the mix of smells from butterscotch to ironing boards are the reason. Let's get those shirts out again then...

There is a current trend in the West Midlands of getting rid of that little harmless dot, the apostrophe. Yes, all street signs have started having theirs snowpaked out. Of course some people aren't happy about this, so they've started up a group of apostrophe protectors that protest against these inhumane persecutions.Next they'll be wanting to get rid of commas...

The Telegraph has done some investigation and found a reason why kids nowadays should be doing cocaine instead of having a pint of lager - it's cheaper (sorry, am I allowed that apostrophe?).
Maybe we should bring back the good old days of a pound a pint in order to get rid of the drug craze :)

Well, the Carnival time is getting nearer, weirdly dressed people are all over town, and it's not the usual lot of the lederhosen brigade. There will be cows, bulls, even certain cartoon robots (bender?) all out there mingling with the other strangely dressed objects. So button down the hatches and unplug the TV, there's no escaping it...

Snow Chaos, Final Countdown and Back to Earth

In case you hadn't heard already, the UK is currently experiencing the worst snow conditions for over 20 years. This has led to schools being closed, all buses in London being taken out of service, huge delays and many cancellations at airports, and low levels of salt for gritting the roads. At least those that are inside can keep cosy with their mugs of ovaltine and a log fire...

The clock's ticking, not long left now. Are you ready for it? Yes, it's the Epoch countdown. In under a week the computer date system will reach 1234567890. Rumours of millenium-style problems occurring are completely unfounded...

After a while out exploring the universe(s), Red Dwarf is set to come back to Earth this Easter. Yes, the series will be coming back to our screens for a couple of episodes to top off their 11 year stint on the BBC. Set your video recorder...

On a similar note, if you have a problem, and you don't know who to call, then get down to the cinemas next year to see the film version of The A-Team. Whether BA will be able to board the plane to Hollywood has yet to be seen...

The new African Union chairman is going to make things interesting this year, as Col Gaddafi has started off by saying that in Africa, the best model is where there are no opposition parties, like in his own Libya. He also started up the discussion of the United States of Africa again...

In the meantime, here in Mainz it's been raining most of the time, which sort of dampens the spirits for going out to parties at the moment. Never mind, maybe Ali will cook up a great Sunday dinner for us :)

Eat well...

Dream Job, Deadly Jams, Suicidal Goats and Polite Deaths

Ever wanted to know what your dream job was? I'm sure it involved a lot of money, for little work, in surroundings that you love, doing what you love.
Well then this job might be just up your alley.
Money: 70 thousand pounds. Contract: 6 months. Job Description: Caretaker of one of the islands of Australia's Whitsunday Islands. Includes feeding fish, collecting island's mail, sailing, diving, laying on beach. Not more than 12 hours a month. Now, where did I have my CV...

Next time you see a splodge of jam on the side of a plate, duck for cover. US scientists are investigating exploding marmalade for use in rockets. I think I'm having honey on my crumpets...

The animals of a Canadian zoo are coming to terms with the sad loss of one of their goats. This wasn't just any loss, but the goat apparently was found hanging from a noose within it's enclosure. The penguins are currently investigating the circumstances surrounding it.

A new theory is being suggested as to why so many Britons died on the Titanic when it sunk. The politeness of the British was apparently the reason why they made sure the others were out of harm's way before thinking about themselves. I think I would also want to check the percentage of British on board first, as a majority would also explain it quite reasonably.

Missing those great old steam locomotives? Then head down to Darlington where a the first steam engine to be built in nearly 50 years is currently running passengers around England. You can just taste that smoke going into your lungs...hold on, isn't it a no-smoking train?

Did you use to phone up people asking if they are really mr so-and-so, and sniggering when they confirm it? Well, feel for people like that who have rude names in their addresses. Some of them get refused deliveries and turn red when trying to explain to people that their address really does have those words in it. Makes those old prank phonecalls seem tame in comparison...

Now let's check out this address on the GPS...

Pretty In Pink, The Truth Behind Smut

As the temperatures plummet, water pipes freeze, the roads become ice rinks, and everything is covered in a blanket of snow, sometimes one just wants to be a child again. Snowball fights, building snowmen, making yeti footprints and coming home frozen to the bone with snow coming out of your ears. Ah, the good old days...

Want an experience that Charles Darwin didn't get? Then head over to the Galapagos islands and check out the pink iguana. Yes, this fashion statement of a creature avoided Darwin's travels and has remained until recently a mystery. Looks to me like it forgot to put it's coat on...

What's green, slimy and flies? The new algae-burning Boeing 737 that's doing test runs around Texas. Using algae it doesn't create a shortage of foodstuffs in the third world. Whether the fish start complaining about their food reserves going down is yet to be seen.

If you're in the business of paying for pleasure (and I don't mean a game of monopoly) then you might want to read what the UK government are currently trying to pass through law without actually having thought it through properly. Of course this is not new, many laws are passed without even looking at the facts. If it's hyped enough, and a splattering of key words are used, then people will think they're stopping something bad, when in fact they could be affecting many things that are not bad at all. Read the article to get a lowdown on exactly what it entails. When will facts and statistics actually be used properly in politics?

Following on from the banks and auto industry, the sex industry in the US also wants a government bailout. They believe that with the current economic situation, fewer people will be enjoying the X-rated services offered by said companies. If you believe the US should pay to support it's pleasure palaces, then write to your congressman now...

Sticking to the US, ever wondered how the statistics look like on what topics Bush has been talking about and how the trends developed over time? Then have a look at this article, showing how terror, taxes, health, and jobs have fared over the last eight years.

Lots of weird things happen over the new year. Resolutions are made and broken, prices go up, it gets cold. Well, obviously someone had a bit of spare time on his hands and set about declaring his love from the rooftop of a carpet store. Whether he's trying to tell all the google earth viewers, or some local pilots is yet to be found out.

After 80 years, Winnie the Pooh is set to come back to the bookshelves with a new sequel approved by the estates of the original authors. Whether the honey still tastes as good, or piglet falls in love is of course a secret. You'll just have to read it yourselves...

Keep those heaters running...

New Year's Resolutions

Yes, those things that everybody makes and after about 4 days breaks. The promises that make us feel better just because we have thought of something we're bad at. Well, it's that time of year again, and half of you will be starting new diets, 30% will be giving up smoking, 20% will try to be more forgiving, and 3 people will promise to be vegetarians. So what was your resolution? Answers on the back of a postcard please...

Well the pope has made a change for new year. He's stated that the Vatican will no longer accept the laws of Italy without first considering every single one in much detail. The obvious ones to be ignored will be giving equal rights to homosexuals, abortions, divorce...do they really want to go back to the Spanish inquisition times?

You're a shopkeeper and want the day off over Christmas, but don't want to close the store. What do you do? Well, in north yorkshire a shopowner let customers take the things they wanted and leave their money in a tin for him. Apparently it worked. Although, if the shop had been in any of the neighbouring towns maybe there wouldn't be much left of it (as some of the interviewees in this article mention). I suppose it solves the problem of opening hours, although checking for ID on alcohol might be difficult...

Ever wanted to know what the locals are like? Moving into a new area, visiting on holiday? Wouldn't it be great if you could see if it's a dodgy area, or lots of roadworks, litter etc? Well welcome Google's Streetview, allowing you to see for instance, that in Madrid ladies are forced to urinate in the street. Whether it was an order from the Vatican has yet to be confirmed...

And as we prepare to go back to work after our festivities, what better than to look back at whom we spent them with. This year I must say that New Year in the north of England wouldn't normally be on the top of my list, but getting to do some great excursions, and of course to see my nephew, his parents, and my parents were of course the highlight. Christmas in Wiesbaden was also surprisingly enjoyable. No sauerkraut, no black bread, no lack of humour, just great food, drink, presents, and of course company. So thanks to all of you who made my festive season just that.

Now the weathermen are saying that next week will get down to minus 20 degrees. I really hope they got their decimal point wrong...otherwise we'll be scraping ice of the inside of our windows...

Post-Christmas Round-Up

The turkey has been eaten, the wine bottles are all empty, now we're at that time of the year where nobody really knows what to do. Of course, this has not stopped marketing types coming up with the idea of bringing forward the January sales so that they actually start from Boxing Day. So if you're not out getting next year's Christmas presents right now (best time of the year) then sit back, relax and read through my selected news stories.

So you got an iPhone for Xmas. yippee. Bored already? Want to actually make it do something useful? Well try the iBoobs application. It had to come at some point. Watch the video and see what tilt mechanisms are really meant for.

Maybe you got that same old boring doll again. Never mind, you can give that away to a friend whilst you play with the next generation. Yes, these dolls let you feed them, and when it's time, the processed food comes out down below. Take too long, and you'll be buying the extra packs of nappies...Just what very girl wanted !

Scientists fed up with telling us the problems that drugs have on our brains have come up with a job on the side. Yes, they're now playing with bees, getting them hooked on cocaine, selling their bodies to scientist pimps and throwing up outside the local pubs. Ok, the last two things are maybe an exaggeration, but the addiction of bees is being studied in great detail.

How did technology help little kids this Christmas? This year they got to track Santa's journey around the world using online maps and webcams. The pictures of him taking a short cut were apparently just fakes...

And what better way in getting peace to spread in the middle east, than to give the warlords a big pile of Viagra tablets. Yes, as they'll keep on saying - Make love, not war...

So if you managed to survive the cholesterol mountain, and you need something to do, then you just have to call the A(fter Xmas sales) Team...

Wrap up those credit cards well...

Perfume with Fries, Singing Underwear, and Swiss Opening

You've heard of the J-Lo scent, but did you know that a new perfume in wowing the crowds on the streets of New York this Christmas? This one you'll never guess. It's from Burger King. Yes, not only are people being asked if they want fries with their meal, but whether they want to smell like that even when they have left the establishment. Next up will be the Fishmonger's, Cheese-maker's and maybe the Manure-spreader's varieties...

Looking for a present for some woman that has everything? Well how about some Syrian underwear that falls down when you clap your hands? Or ones that have fairy lights on them and play ringtones? Until recently little known outside of Syria, these pieces of clothing are now coming to light and are arousing interest (pardon the pun) outside of the country.

Switzerland, the neutral country there in the middle of Europe has opened up its borders to other European countries. Yes, in November of 2008 it joined the Schengen Agreement allowing free movement for people from other member states. The population are now waiting to see whether or not a negative impact of this change will come. At least border controls should be quicker...

And finally in the terrible episode of the decline of Zimbabwe, Mugabe has decided that the cholera epidemic that is currently killing many inhabitants is an attack from Great Britain. Yes, in a country where the inflation rate has gone off the scale, poverty is nationwide, and political opponents commonly disappear, one can only hope that he gets removed from his position as soon as possible, and allows all the innocent people of Zimbabwe to try and rescue their lives.

So, Christmas is coming, it's already cold, so get your mug of mulled wine, put on the Christmas pud, and snuggle up to the fire.

Just remember, a blog's not just for Christmas...

Every Second Counts, Remakes, Dangerous Kisses

Sometimes you just have to take advantage of what time you have. This year, thanks to certain scientists, you get an extra second to use as you wish. No strings attached. So when you are listening to the bells toll at midnight on New Year's Eve, then think about that final second - you get to celebrate it twice ! Use it wisely...

After having seen the Americans rehash, sorry remake, The Italian Job, it comes as no surprise that others are following suit too. I don't know why people can't just leave originals as they are, and keep the memories fond. This time it's Bollywood that's making it, and will include lots of song and dance. I doubt there will even be a bank heist...

Next time you pucker up, be very careful. A Chinese woman was left deaf after her boyfriend gave her a bit too strong of a kiss. The media warned soon afterwards of the dangers of excessive kissing, and doctors advised people to proceed with caution...

You here of cities trying to build taller buildings to break records, but this time a Chinese city has decided it wants to know down it's tallest ones in order to be considered as a Unesco site. All very well you might think, but the owners of said buildings hadn't heard anything about it until this report...

The new Airbus A380 is now getting complaints from it's pilots - that it's too quiet. Apparently they like the rumble of the engines to fall asleep and drown out the noise of the passengers nearby...

Amsterdam is cutting down the number of red light district windows, and "coffee shops". Apparently they want to get rid of organised crime, but keeping their most famous attractions.

The Japanese like their toilets. They have dynamic flush options, are able to measure your body-fat ratio, can be heated, and have a wash function like that of a bidet. Makes those public toilets outside the Rewe supermarket at Mainz HBf really look like holes in the ground.

The Max Planck Institute is somewhat of a serious name here in Germany. They do great scientific research, are well recognised and are one of the best known German brands. So how do they feel, now that they mistakenly put up an advertisement for hot young housewives in Chinese on the front cover of the research magazine? You would have thought, they would have found someone to check it thoroughly before it went to press...

Well, Lobelto had his birthday a while back, but hasn't been here in Mainz yet to celebrate. Apparently he's arriving today - but we'll believe that when we see it. Apart from that the snow's been falling on occasional days, but not as much down south around Stuttgart earlier in the week. It's still cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey.

Wrap up well, and get one of them gluehweins down ya...

Facebook Guilt, Polar Mix-Up, and Dietry Accident


Let's start today with a poll. Hands up those of you who think they could be a good juror? And how many of you think that you would act accordingly to make your decision? Of those, how many of you would want to phone a friend? And how many would want to open it up to the public and get them to decide for you? Well, that's what happened in Burnley Crown Court when a juror posted the details of the sex-abuse case on her facebook account and then asked people to decide it for her. Nice to know we are in safe hands...

So you've got a polar bear and want it to breed. When looking for a mate, what would you normally put on your checklist? In good health? Right age? Easy to maintain?
Well in northern Japan, the zookeeper overlooked one important question: is the mate of the opposite sex? Yes, after keeping them together and seeing no intimate action, further investigation entailed where they found out that in fact their bear was female as was the one just bought. No wonder so many animals become extinct...

Part of the M42 motorway was closed the other day after a six car pile-up led to beer and marshmallows being spilt over the road. I'm sure the clean up people will have fun with that...

In order to preserve the British engineering work that went into building the bridges across the river thames, seven of them have now been given listed status. If that included the London bridge that the americans bought off us has yet to be confirmed.

Love scones? Bored of the same old flavours? Well then, you're in luck! A northumberland cafe owner has been producing scones of such variety, that she's now trying for the guinness record. Flavours include Newcastle Brown Ale, Chili, and almost anything else you can imagine. Get your boots on and pick up your next batch now.

So the Christmas markets have now opened across Germany, mulled wine is being consumed, as are the usual sausages in a bun, roast pork, roasted almonds etc.

Keep that woolly hat on...

Wonky Veg, Perfect Puds and Paper Spoof

Whilst the weather takes a turn towards winter, the snow starts falling, and the Christmas biscuits and stollen are now on sale (ok, they have been since October), one needs to relax with a glass of wine by an open fire and enjoy it. Either that or you freeze at home thinking about all that work to do and all those people in the way doing their festive shopping...

The European Union is reversing a law that they introduced banning the sale of 26 types of fruit and vegetables if they did not come up to standards. These standards included that a carrot cannot be wobbly, a cucumber must be straight and many other completely bizarre cases. This meant that these items of food were only allowed to be used for processing, or more likely, thrown away. Hopefully now we will not be wasting so much food for such a stupid rule, and then complaining there isn't enough food in the world...

The Royal Society of Chemistry has proven their worth once more as they have now decided on the exact definition of a true Yorkshire Pudding. So none of that pre-cooked meal stuff, or soggy mini puds on the side of your plate. This is the real thing...

A spoofed edition of the New York Times was printed out a million times and distributed on the streets to unwitting passers by. It included stories about the Iraq War ending, the US getting free healthcare, and other hopeful events. It was also dated in the future, in case people hadn't realised by now that it wasn't actually the paper they expected.

Don't believe everything you read...

Foot Massages, Ovine Lolitas, and Star Wars Toast

Last weekend Celine came to visit. Thankfully not THE Celine. Just in time for a mini celebration. So off we went to the English Theatre in Frankfurt to watch Gas Lights. Very good play set in victorian England. Before that we had to fill our stomaches with something tasty, so one Kangaroo Burger later and there we were finding our seats in the theatre.

Of course there was another reason for the mini celebration. A certain someone reached a new decade in his life. But let's not go into that :)
Coming back to Mainz reasonably late, we found Carlitos and Luigi already at the Eisgrub awaiting our arrival. A few beers later and we were all merry.

Now onto some news.

Do you have tired feet? Need a relaxing massage? Then go down to south London and sign up for school. Yes, children that misbehave are being given foot massages to calm them down. That just sounds like an incentive to me. I promise not to be noisy at work if I get a foot massage once a week :)

Like lambs? A lot? Want to watch them via webcam all day long, give them a name, and get regular photos? Then pop over to Sacramenia in Spain and sign up now. Or see a therapist. Or both, for that matter...

A man who robbed a bank wearing a dayglo vest, safety goggles, a dust mask, and a blue shirt and was able to escape by a large crowd of similarly dressed people gathering outside has finally been caught. He had recruited the others on Craigslist, none of which had any idea that they were being used as a decoy for the police. One has to marvel at how the internet can help every area of our lives...

Fan of Star Wars? Wanted to show everyone that you are the number one? Well hurry along and buy the all new Darth Vader toaster. Yes, you can now produce your very own pieces of toast with the image of the man himself burnt into them. Definitely a must-have for Christmas :)

Want an interesting court case? How about one where someone strips off to prove his point? Well that's what's going to happen in January...

Stay well covered...

Bookfairs, Fartgas and other health dangers

The Frankfurt bookfair ended last weekend. For those of you that don't know the little secrets, go on the last day (a Sunday) and make your way to the International Halls 8 (English) and 5.1 (Hispanic/Italian). Here you will find many publishers and country representatives selling off their books at a very good discount rather than pack them into their bags and fly them back home.
Getting the RMV Kombi-Ticket is also a good tip, as it includes the transport links to and from the fair and covers Mainz.

During the Second World War, various encoding machines were built to hide the confidential military messages that needed to be sent. In Germany they used the Enigma machines, which were duly cracked by a team in Bletchley Park in the UK with the Enigma machine. Maybe you knew that. What is a lot less known is that Germany also sold the commercial (weaker) version of these machines to Franco in Spain. These were successful at keeping the messages secret from the republicans, but what Franco probably did not know, was that the British were able to decipher his messages as well using their newly set up deciphering machine.
Now the Spanish have found 26 of these machines that belonged to Franco and are in full working order. Maybe they could send them off to Bletchley Park to help raise funds for the Museum...

Nothing could be more sacred than our non-metric measurements, afternoon tea (with those little triangular cucumber sandwiches) and the talking clock. When students go out partying in their first year away from home, this is what they wake up to in the morning after having dialled it and left their phone connected all night. Then comes the phone bill to confirm it, just in case they don't believe that it really happened to them. Well this age old tradition is now being gimmicked up with sponsorship from Disney. Yes, Tinkerbell will now be telling you in dulcet tones what hour of the day it is (and probably strongly suggesting you go and see her new film...)
What next? Big Ben sponsored by Nokia, having the SMS ring tones coming up every hour? Or even worse, the Crazy Frog one...

A woman in Japan has been put in jail after virtually murdering her virtual husband. She was not, however, put away for the virtual murder itself, rather for the stealing of the other gamer's login credentials. It's amazing what headlines one can get out of a story like that though...

Stink bombs smell bad. We all know that, that's why they sell. What we didn't know until now was that they also can help to control blood pressure. Yes, you read that correctly. So next time you smell an odour in the air, take a deep whiff (and prey that it was in fact a stink bomb and not the real thing...)

Keep sniffing...

Micha Visit, Tough Deodorants, No Known Abode

Faces from the past - Micha came over to Mainz yesterday as he was in Frankfurt for the book festival. The usual Eisgrub meeting went ahead (Carlitos, Luigi, Fidel, Mamen, Ali, Olgui were all present), lots of beer flowed and not many people are able to get up this morning.

Ever wanted to let someone know that maybe they need to cover up their odours? Look no further than Wal-Mart in Canada. They have the real thing, and that's for sure - check it out.

A legal case being brought against God has been dismissed, but not quite for the reason one would expect. It was agreed that He does exist, and therefore can be sued. However, as He is of no fixed abode it is impossible to serve him the papers for a court appearance.

Spare a thought for the San Cayetano Football Club from Peru. After losing their game 10-0, their bus was forced over the edge of a cliff by robbers and fell 600 feet killing 3 players and 2 of the owners...

Now it's off to the book festival to pick up some great bargains...

Weddings Galore and Animals in Need

Again there was a wedding of close friends here in Germany. Friedi and Marc tied the knot on Friday, with food and drink being served soon after, and not stopping until about midnight. Of course, this being Germany, we have the church wedding to look forward to next year as well :)
And again in Valencia two souls joined together and got hitched. And both of them wore dresses (you can decide who looked better in them). So the wee lass Angie and her now husband Jose (Marques to the rest of us) partied on down and exchanged rings also this weekend.
May both couples celebrate many more (years together - not weddings) and remember these moments just as long.

Ever seen a blue pig? Not likely. Well, the fire brigade in Derbyshire did when they rescued a pig out of the canal on a cold night. It has yet to be confirmed what it was doing in there (rumours say the backstroke).

After a sheep refused to budge from a Welsh motorway last week, police took out their tasers and gave it an electric shock. People stood in disbelief, wondering where this trigger-happiness came from. Well, at least it wasn't a real gun, otherwise there would be mutton stew on the menus in the local restaurant...

School kids, so innocent aren't they? Well think again if one of them decides to offer you some fresh home-made muffins. They may not be all that innocent as two teachers found out after being taken to hospital after ingesting the cannabis they were baked with...

So, weather's messing about again. At least it was good for the wedding.

Keep those animals on a leash...

Jedi Degree, Red Light Gallery and Last of Grange Hill

Want to learn how to be a Jedi? Then sign up to the Belfast University one-day course starting in November. Just remember not to go over to the dark side...

Something like nostalgia came back when I heard that the BBC tv-series Grange Hill has shown its last episode. This is a series that's been going on since I was at primary school. Despite not having watched it for probably 18 years, it's intro music always gets stuck in your head when you think about it. Lets hope whatever they use to replace it is also memorable enough (for good reasons).

Want to see the 'sights' of Amsterdam without actually crossing the channel? Then head down to the national gallery, where an exhibition of the red light district is currently being shown (no, they're not real people in the windows...).

For those broccoli lovers out there (yes, Olga, that's you :) take heart in the fact that research now suggests that eating this vegetable helps your lungs against serious diseases. Put that together with the research from not long ago that broccoli also protects you against diabetes effects on blood vessels. So get some of it on your plate now !

As the world championship of conkers gets underway, a health and safety office has decided to back the event in order to show they don't want to be spoilsports in such fun and games. So get your conkers in the oven, the vinegar out, and thread those strings through.

As the preparations for the tailgating in Ann Arbor get underway, let's see if a miracle can happen, and Michigan can actually win...

Eat your greens...

Importance of Online News Sites, French Big Sister, and More Para-Golds

So nobody really reads news stories online, you say? Well, due to a 6-year-old story about United Airlines appearing on the Google News Site this week, United's share prices fell 75% !!! Obviously someone important was reading that story...

I couldn't believe what I was reading in this article on the Register which tells about a database of French people being created of anyone likely to cause trouble. This list includes politicians, businessmen, trade unionists etc. Apparently it will be converged with the new biometric ID cards in France, in order to have a complete picture of anyone that might at some point become interesting...sounds like the UK version gone awry...

So you're not quite following the Tour de France since Armstrong left it in 2005? Pack you yellow jersey and book your flights, he's coming back out of retirement for the 2009 race. Let's see if the sport gets an image boost through this...

The Olympics might have been a triumph for the UK, but the Paralympics are becoming a dream. Great Britain is currently in second place to China, with a total of 61 medals (29 of them gold). Well done team GB !!

Can't wait for 2012...

Weddings, Drugs and a Lump of Sugar

Yesterday was a special day. Yes, Britta and Johannes got married in Darmstadt (after 10 years of being together) to the delight of many children. The drinks flowed, the sketches were hilarious, and fun was had by all.
In another city in another country, another couple also got married. After nearly as many years together, Alberto (Albakra) and Sofia tied the knot in Valencia.
So to both couples congratulations are sent out, and may they celebrate many happy years more.

The latest sporting drugs scandal has been declared. No, not in cycling, nor in running, but in Sumo wrestling. Yes, no longer can you assume that those hefty sportsmen are so dedicated to their sport, as a number were found to have been taking marijuana. Yep, steroids are not needed for this sport, they obviously need to relax after a sweat-filed game...

Another unbelievable story is that of an elephant in China that was recovered from illegal traders and found to be having withdrawal symptoms. Apparently the traders had been feeding it with heroin-injected bananas. After a spell in rehab, it seems like it has been cured of it's addiction, and now only requests clean bananas hand-picked by girls dressed in hula-hula dresses...

The Czech government has come into controversy after a new PR campaign to let it's inhabitants know about its forthcoming presidency of the EU. It used a saying about making the EU sweeter with a lump of sugar which also means to make it taste it's own medicine apparently. There are no translation problems to blame, those are the two meanings in the Czech language. The questions for the president are flooding in...

And after having made it to forth place in the Beijing Olympics, Great Britain is now leading the board in the Paralympics with 4 gold medals after only one day. Let's wish them all the best for the rest of the Games...

Sixteen years is a long time in politics. Especially when there are no democratic elections.
Well after that amount of time without, Angola has just held it's parliamentary elections which observers say seemed to be fair. Let's hope the African Nation picks up it's pieces after the civil war and manages to make the best use of all its natural resources.

Back to the autumn...

Open Skies, Joss-stick risk, getting wetless, and Portsmouth Posters

Research suggests that the use of Joss-sticks and incense increase the risk of cancer. So are we now going to see catholic churches putting up hazard signs at the entrances? Don't hold your breath...


A British company has found a method to make any material 100% waterproof. Expect to see beach-laptops, paper drinking glasses and shoes that actually stay dry inside...

Portsmouth Dockyards have been doing a promotional poster campaign recently that has had some unusual side effects. Just take a look at the posters, think of those sailors alone at sea for so long, and then have a laugh...

Ever seen sheep crossing the London bridge? If not, hold on to your hats, as a woman who was made freeman of the city will use her right to do this to help promote fundraising for Kent cathedral. As far as I know the law still exists that if a gentleman wishes to take a leek in the city, he may ask a policeman to shield him with his cloak. I wonder if anyone is going to try and exercise that right...

And finally we can now cook in peace. Yes, the hind-quarter showing, no-longer-breathing, sky-light-blocking bird has now been removed. What a relief.

And now the wine festival in Mainz is coming to a close, so make a last ditch attempt to see it whilst you can today...

Bird on Top

Not to make this predictable, you may notice there is only one headline today. But you'll have to read through the other news before you find out why. Oh, hold on, you don't, you just have to scroll...another reason why the internet spoils things for us.

For any of you wishing to read raunchy versions of the Belgian hero Tintin, you'll have to go back to hunting on ebay, as the latest comic strip "The pink lotus" has had to be pulled from the shelves after complaints.

Want to bump up your bra size a bit? Boyfriend ever get thirsty while out on the town? Then this new device is for you. It's a bra with inflatable/fillable bags inside, connected with a tube. The idea is to fill it up to the top with you tipple of choice (nearly a Freudian slip there), allowing you to strut you larger stuff around and as soon as said friend gets thirsty, he just takes a swig from the tube. I see a possible different use to this. How about needing the loo, and the ladies' queue is miles long? Then just fill up said tube in a dark corner and keep on partying! How about when the bags are empty (either not having been yet, or the drink's already been finished). Then why not just blow it up a few sizes? One might want to check for leaks though...

Notting Hill Carnival is on again this bank holiday weekend. Yes, get out your colourful clothing, and get down to London to party the day away whilst eating such specialities as jerk chicken and curry goat. In fact the history of the carnival, the riots and the race relations act is very interesting as well. Take a look at it here. If you want the lowdown of what is eaten on such an occasion, then check out the official site here.

Now onto the birds. One would assume that despite strong rainfalls, birds generally are able to protect themselves, hide under shelter, or just make sure they are well pruned with enough grease on their feathers. But then something has to happen to prove you wrong. So whilst Sara and Tati were going through the pasta and wine dinner chez moi, we heard a big thump. On looking up we can see a pigeon's hind quarters just popping over the sky-light window. Upon winding up and down the window a few times we came to realise that is wasn't just perched there, but fell out of the sky and landed there. So now whilst I'm cooking I can look up and see a dead bird's backside. How appetising...

Bon appetite...

Madge Birthday, America under Google Attack, London Crime

Today marks the 50th birthday of Madonna. To see a brief summary of her career check out the bbc link here. Happy Birthday !

Most of you know of Google Maps. It is used in reference in many other sites as a reliable way of mapping something that's happened. Well after Georgia was attacked by Russia this week, many people turned to this page to check out what was going on. They were astonished to see that the news article brought up a link to the American state of Georgia. Thankfully Bush did not order an attack on Russia as a result of this. Just goes to show how computer intelligence is still no match for a good brain...

Wanting to buy a house in London? Maybe just planning a trip around the city on your own? Well the metropolitan police department have created a crime map (yes, based on Google Maps...) to show you which areas have higher than average crime rates, so you can avoid those hotspot areas. Just make sure it is London, UK before you pay for anything...

And finally, anyone around Alicante today should try to pop by Alberto's abode. Here is where Albakra's stag party is taking place tonight. Let's hope the beer flows, the strippers dance, and no-one gets interviewed...

Have one on me...

The Orwellian Truth, Bad Citings and Van Gogh's Grass

Had a great 35 degrees in Valencia whilst also touring a bit around Oliva. Met up with people like Gema, Albakra, Sofia, Fernando, Luca, Nuria, Sylvia, Elena C, Elena P, Gloria, and Luis' family in Denia, all of whom were complaining about the heat, whilst using it as a great excuse to have another beer.
It was also the moment when Ortega announced to us about his plans to marry. Reports that his proposal went like this "sabes lo que te quiero decir?" or "has pensao alguna vez en..." are unfounded.

Interested in George Orwell? Want to know more personal details about him? Then get over to the blog of his diaries (first entry Aug 9th). These are not his political ramblings but more his day to day "went to buy bread" type of notes. Each day a new entry is posted as per his original diary.

The internet is great for researching. Never before have so many sources been available, and easily searchable. However a lesson from my old history class keeps on popping up in my mind. We were taught at length about not believing all we can see or that is written (examples were of a photo taken at the time of Hitler's rule in Germany - all people in photo appeared happy, behind the photographer what we didn't see was the military making sure that non-smiling faces were taken out). We were taught to look beyond the basics and ask questions about who produced the piece, what reason or motivation they had to produce it, and whether it was authentic and possibly typical.
I think that people in Chicago's jury did not go to this class, after their recent verdict was based on a statement on Wikipedia, where anyone can edit the articles anonymously...

If you ever wondered what famous painters painted before they got a good result, then thank DESY (the German particle accelerator in Hamburg) which has been able to reveal a picture of an unknown woman beneath his painting of a patch of grass. Maybe he wasn't pleased with the result, and got the wax crayons and scribbled all over it...

Any cows reading this should turn away now. These bovines are accused of damaging the environment through their frequent release of methane (through flatulence for instance). Despite there being just as many cases of this in humans (I can mention a good few), the cows get the full grunt of the blame. Now you can resume reading. So in order to help the environment, researchers in Australia have proposed changing from beef to kangaroo meat. Their stomaches apparently digest differently and so don't produce as much methane. I suppose it's from all that jumping around...

Keeping in Australia for a moment, a man has been sentenced to jail after being pulled over by cops for speeding. On investigation they found drugs, drug plants, and a rifle in his car. He had also apparently being doing the knuckle shuffle and filming it whilst driving at this speed. His long story could not make the judge believe that he found those items, and he was duly found guilty.

Companies are being persuaded more and more to be sparing with packaging and to recycle more. I don't think the message has quite got through to HP who sent out 17 boxes to a customer to protect 32 A4 pages.

The EU has made another attack on British measurements by outlawing the acre. Yes from now on we are only allowed to register new land in hectares. You can't fail them for trying, but you can definitely have a go at our government that didn't think it was an important issue and sent some lone junior minister to protect our standards...

People at Google have had enough of Wikipedia as well and have decided to produce their own version which shall be edited by people who know what they're doing. Is this a fight for standards or just another step towards world domination? You decide at knol.google.com.

An independent rwandan commission has accused France in playing an active role in the genocide of over 800 thousand rwandans in 1994. For a very good account of this along with everything else that has happened in the last 50 years in Africa, I highly recommend the book "The State of Africa" by Martin Meredith (search for it on amazon in the box to the left of this article - currently on offer at just over five pounds). Have recently finished reading it and found it amazingly enlightening.

And before we go out with Chelsea and her family for a bite to eat, last check of the weather shows that summer has been and gone. I must have blinked.

Keep on reading...

How to be English, Floral Pees, and Medals of Poverty

Whilst the heavens are currently falling down, what better thing to do than to update you on what's been going on.

So the Bierboerse was on this weekend in Mainz, so Carlitos, Luigi and I headed down there and did our fair share of tasting. A few steak rolls, donuts and sausages later and we're on to the Czech ones.

If it wasn't bad enough that the husbands are pulled along to the garden centres because their wives want to get the latest fashion in plants, but now going to the toilets there is made worse by the fact that they are installing floral urinals. Nothing like mother nature...

Polish migrant workers arriving in Dover are being handed out welcome packs with useful information about how to be English, talk about the weather, not talk about bowel movements when someone asks how you are, and that black tea is not being racist. Maybe one should also distribute these to some of our schools and see if some common sense also gets taught...

In Ghana medals to the value of 1.4 million dollars are being handed out to officials. This is obviously considered better for the country than, say, investing it in shelters or food for the population that lives in poverty. In fact this reminds me of Ethiopia during 1984/5 when Mengistu spent 150 million dollars on tenth anniversary celebrations whilst millions of Ethiopians were starving to death. This tragedy resulted in the Live Aid concerts taking place which raised over a billion dollars, but too late for the thousands of people who already had died. Sometimes people learn from history, sometimes they don't - but we need to learn how to react before it's too late.

Well, back to pulling down the hatches and stopping those storms from coming inside...

Vampiric Carrots and Shed-quarters

So the days go by, you think you're nice and relaxed at home until you wake up one morning and find your furry friend beheaded and all it's blood drained out. Not a very sweet thought I suppose, but that's how people around the Ruhr valley are feeling at the moment. Any rumours of the suspect being 4 inches long and orange are unconfirmed.

Following the theme of being comfy at home, and waking up one day to a surprise, a lady near Banbury also got a shock. She went to her shed and found a man living there, with a makeshift bedroom, TVs etc. Apparently he had been there for about 5 weeks, weeding the garden, potting her plants etc, but she hadn't noticed...

Tonight it's off to Darmstadt to see the Brittos (who, incidentally, are getting married on Sep 6th) and to try one of their local indian restaurants. A beer or two might also be in order...

Keep them cool...

Ingrid Free, Spanish Cup, Energy Snake and Valencian Visit

Something amazing happened this week. After six years of captivity, the presidential candidate for Colombia, Ingrid Betancourt, was freed. This high profile hostage was one of the Farc's best bargaining pieces, but she was rescued by the Colombian army pretending to belong to an NGO without a single shot being fired. Of course one cannot forget the other 14 hostages that were also rescued in the raid. You should really see the video that the BBC has of the raid - very moving. After the loss of many of their leaders, and now this, it is looking ever more likely that their war in Colombia might finally come to an end. Here's hoping...

Not many people predicted what happened in Euro 2008. After a lacklustre game against Italy, they really motivated themselves and managed to play an amazing game against Germany in the final. It really was inspiring how they moved the ball around the pitch with such ease, despite the game being spoilt later on by various bad fouls. You could imagine the noise which took place that night here in Mainz. Well, maybe you can't. As the end result finally sunk in we were making our way by train to the main station. On the platform various Germans started arriving from one of the many public viewings, most wrapped in their national flag, some just sat on the ground and started crying, others coped differently by either attacking the billboards, timetables, glass dividers or trying to shake the poles holding up the roof. We decided not to speak Spanish whilst waiting for the train...

The opening of the waxwork museum in Berlin had a little hiccup, as the wax sculpture of Hitler was beheaded by one of the visitors. One has to remember that in Germany anything to do with him or the Nazi party is strictly forbidden, so the opening wasn't going to be without controversy.

Next time you're swimming in the ocean and think you see something in the dark depths below, don't presume that it's a shark, as it could also be one of the 200m anacondas. No, not real live ones, but rubber ones which are meant to be able to produce a lot of energy from the movements of the water.

Gemma, Victor and Alejandra came over last week for their annual topup of Kebabs, sauerkraut and German culture. Of course any visit isn't complete without a meal at the Eisgrub, where we were also joined by Mar.

Then yesterday was the A4 and friends Summer BBQ. Much meat was eaten, and beer drunk (after being cooled to exactly the right temperature using machinery from the particle detectors...) and the meal was finished off with Nougat from Valencia. Yum!

Stay free..

Appropriate Monuments, Brothels on Wheels, and Ape Rights

So, no sooner said than the weather turns all grey, hailstorming and my dill in the windowbox starts swimming away. Oh, and of course the last minute goal trick of Turkey didn't quite work, as Germany copied that strategy...

Have you ever wondered how you will ever be able to convey the ineptitude of someone to future generations? Well, some San Franciscans have. Just so that nobody gets mistaken, they have proposed to name a sewage works after George W. Bush.

Feel like the zoo doesn't do the animals justice? Makes them unhappy? Then why not go to Spain, where they are proposing a law to give apes the rights humans enjoy. So expect to see the animals lounging about on sofas, drinking beer, and collecting social security cheques, serving you your next drink aboard a long distance flight, and coming to repair you fridge. Just don't mention try to take out the film Planet of the Apes...

Planning a great day out in Florida? Maybe a bachelor party? Well you can forget that limo with dancing girls within, as the police have just charged the workers with claims like "transportation for the purpose of prostitution". I'm wonder why such a law exist there...

Now back down to enjoying the sun, or rain, or hail. Oh, I don't know, anything?

How to make a Volvo exciting, safety of black holes

The weather's done another twist, and made it actually sunny for Wimbledon for once (despite everyone around Europe watching the UEFA Cup - the British stand strong and watch the tennis).

Now what you've all been waiting for, the magic feat of making a Volvo exciting. Yes, a man managed to get 13 people in it and drove around at 20mph before being pulled over. That was it. What more did you expect, a miracle?

Now after some speculation of the new LHC in CERN being able to produce black holes that will swallow the universe as we know it, a scientific inquiry has resulted in a long report stating that there is no risk to this universe, and that they will soon be switching on the power. So now you can all go and sleep at night again. Of course, they also said the same about there being no extra-terrestrial life...

So after the underdogs coming strong in the football, we only have 3 more matches to make it through. Following current statistics, that would mean, russia will beat spain, turkey will beat germany, and then russia will beat turkey in the final...let's see if that holds true...

Spray the oil...

Sudoku Judgement, Pig in Boots, Welsh UFOs and German Anthem

So how many of you have faith in the judicial system of your country? And how many of you believe you would do your duty well if asked to be a juror for a trial? Well, in Australia a drugs trial was aborted after it was noticed that some of the jurors were fervently writing notes during the proceedings, but in a vertical manner. Upon investigation it was found that they were playing sudoku whilst listening to evidence, apparently because they had got bored...

Most farmers believe they have seen everything. However, one was surprised when one of his pigs seemed to be afraid of mud. They soon found a solution though - fitting the animal out in wellington boots. You have to see the video :) Next to come are cats afraid of milk...

Now one for all you football fans out there. Yes, I know England is not playing in the cup this year, but for that we did have to English teams in the final of the European Championship. Anyways, here in Mainz city centre one tends to hear who has won a match without turning on the telly. The fans of the victorious team will go around in their cars honking their horns for a good hour or two before going back home to bed. This is okay for teams like Croatia, Holland, France etc, but as soon as the Germans win there's smashed bottles all over the streets, shouting into the early hours, and a lot of VW Golf and Mercedes honking. Well, if that wasn't enough, after yesterday's narrow win by Turkey, you can imagine the amount of noise there was. Cars full to the brim with people hanging out of the windows, sunroof, with the boot open all holding their national flags and shouting. And when the Turks go around honking, it isn't just for an hour or two. It's until their petrol runs out...

Keeping on the football line, swiss tv made a great mistake in their showing of the Germany against Austria match. When the national anthems were sung, subtitles were shown. However, for the German anthem, they showed the first verse of the hymn, made popular during 1939-45 and because of that no longer sung, which starts "German Germany, above everything...". You can imagine what the politicians here thought of it..

This time of the year something strange happens down in Wiltshire. Thousand of people dressed in weird gowns, hoods, with staffs and unusual names gather around Stonehenge and await the summer solstice. As the sun comes up it's light passes through a small slit between the stones and is said to be magic. This year about 33 thousand people attended despite some wet weather.

And for those of you who are still out there looking for signs of extra-terrestrial life, help is at hand. Welsh police sighted a UFO whilst out in their helicopter and tried to chase it. The official report has yet to be seen...

So, back on earth the football goes on, and Radio Bongo keeps playing some great tunes.

Come on you refs...

Rolling Cheese, Ageism, Safety First and Celebrations

It's a pity to start by mentioning the weather, but this madness is unbelievable. Throughout the week we've had temperatures ranging from 17 degrees at night to 34 during the day (yes, we're still in may...) and now we've got thunderstorms, hail, and pouring rain.
Someone's clock is really messed up...

So, onto the news. Everyone knows how the aussies like their beer. Well it will be no surprise then that a guy was caught with his beer strapped in the back seat of the car, and his child sitting on the floor. Beggars belief!

Anyone who has tried it, will admit that English cheese is delicious (Mature cheddar, red leicester, stilton etc). Well, something you may not know is that there is a celebration of the cheese whereby a big piece is rolled down a hill and people roll themselves after it. The slope was sometimes 1:1, and 200m in length and the cheese they were chasing was a double gloucester. Take a look at the video!

Now most of the younger generation have used social networking sites (you know, the ones that send you reminders to sign up as someone has listed you as a 'friend'). It has also expanded to some older people as well, some tailored for them, others just out of interest what all the fuss is about. One of these sites has now deleted all it's users accounts if their age is over 36. The reason behind this is that they could be sex-offenders. Following that logic I would ban all men from it too, as they are most likely to commit those type of crimes. Ah, and now that one has to treat women the same as men, well why not ban all females too...

Just coming back from your holiday, and whilst unpacking your luggage you find a tin containing drugs. What would you do? How about you just arrived in a country where carrying drugs could result being executed? Well, a Japanese man ran into this problem when a drug-sniffing dog at the airport failed to find the hidden merchandise whilst on a training exercise. Makes you feel secure when you're traveling, doesn't it?

Russian crackers managed to cause panic when they spread rumours about a local nuclear facility accident. They then proceeded to take down the news sites so that only the false information was available. Whoever said that the internet isn't a valid form of attack.

Here;s something you don't see every day. A brazilian aircraft has managed to not only take pictures of where an as-yet-not-identified tribe lives, but also caught some inhabitants in the picture. At first glance it looks like a scene from planet of the apes, and makes you think about how the 'uncivilized' people of the world still live. Very unusual sight!

Democracy, a very subjective word. In Switzerland the people will vote tomorrow on whether inhabitants wanting to become swiss can do so without an anonymous vote of the local inhabitants. They already require you to have lived there 12 years, speak the language, know it's laws and cultures, but that isn't enough say some. They want the people to decide (anonymously) whether they like the look of the wannabe-swiss from a photo and a short summary of where they come from etc. Opponents are calling it discrimination, but as the ruling party is trying to overturn the supreme court';s ruling from 5 years ago, it is now going to a referendum of the people.

And for those of you able to make it, there was a great celebration in the tiny village of Penn on the 17th. Yes, the post-wedding party took place with people coming from spain, germany as well as the UK to eat, drink and be merry. Everyone ended up rolling back to their beds after such a big feast. Well done to all the organisers !!

Keep counting those calories...

Non-Stop Hiccups, Theatrical Stripper and Online Latin

Everyone hears the stories of somebody that couldn't stop hiccupping, whilst being told to eat more slowly and not rush your drink. Well now there is actually someone who's got this problem. He's been hiccupping for the last 13 months. This might be considered an annoying but slight inconvenience, except that this guy is a musician. Yep, and he doesn't work for those natural body musicians...

Out of work, female and living near Norfolk? Then this may be a job for you. A local theatrical group are looking for a lady to strip off in their latest play. Apparently they haven't had enough offers yet. Will we get to see hopefuls performing on TV in the future a la Apprentice? Hold on, that's what Big Brother is for...

Got a Wii? Ever wanted to know how you could get your wife/girlfriend/neighbour to play with it too? Don't despair, the latest game is one of skill, balance, and body control. Yes, it's Wii Pole Dancing (pole included). Get your pre-orders in quick...

So you thought Latin was only used by clergymen, botanists, and medics? Now add internet surfers to your list, as the Vatican has gone online, creating a web-presence in Latin to help all of you budding latinists. Can't wait to see the incorporated chat...

Now for those of you who ever wondered what ever happened to those public information films you remember seeing as a kid, I've got the answer. This site has them archived in all their glory, so that you can peruse them and learn from them at your pleasure. Now remember kids, look both ways before crossing the internet superhighway...

So put on your sandals, bring your book, and get down to the river...

Smelly Art, Protected Sausage and Italian Salaries

What with the weather picking up now, it's that time of the year when the Mainz marathon takes place. This is similar to the carnival, in that all useful roads between where I live and where I work are blocked off for the most part of the day. This is not very conducive to getting work done...

In Sunderland, an art gallery has put on an unusual exhibition. It's all about smells. Examples include the Hiroshima bomb, the plague, and Cleopatra's hair. It hasn't been mentioned whether they make the smell of a good old fry-up next to the museum canteen...

After the Pork Pie's recent protected status, the cumberland sausage is at it too. Yes, this long curled up piece of meat is fighting for protection from those foreign imposters...

Just before the current italian government goes out of office, it made sure it would be remembered - by posting the salary details and registered taxes of all it's citizens on a webpage. Nice to know that privacy and identity fraud are top of the politician's lists...

Inhabitants of the Greek Island of Lesbos have decided they will take the jokes no more, and are taking the greek societies to court of their use of the name lesbian. Yes, they are fighting for their right (and nobody else's) to call themselves this name. Interesting to see what happens with this, and if the world over people will have to call themselves something else instead. Possible new names on a postcard please...

Well, last night saw the final birthday celebration of Olga, seeing as monday isn't an easy day for most people to celebrate. Visitors to our humble abode included Aline and family, Friedi and Marc, Salvo, the chichinos, Jackeline (Peru), Dani, Beatriz, Carlitos amongst others. It seems that the cheese platters went down well, as none was left over at the end. The salads and meatballs were also enjoyed, but the most successful item had to be Salvo's Guinness cake. Very nice...

So, get your running shoes on and try to get down to the river before the tired marathon runners come back...

St George, Bed Degrees, Hedgehog Star and Euro-Whiff

So the weather has been picking up, we actually had sun today! Unfortunately it was raining yesterday for Olga's birthday. Never mind, we still had great food (pity about the service though).

At school I always remember our football games got interrupted when a hedgehog decided to make it's way from the nearby bushes across out field. We always left it o do it's thing, as it was often said they were dangerous. I now realise just how dangerous they can be, as a Man in New Zealand was assaulted by one!!

Most people would love the chance to fly in one of the new A380 Airbus planes. However, I have my reservations, confirmed by finding out that they plan to cut corners on the bathrooms and fit in military style urinals. I can just imagine the plane tilting to the left, and the wall getting soaked...very nice for the next person...

The Independent gave out a new university guide last week, bringing in factors like student satisfaction. This sounds like a great way of finding out which universities swot up for their 'exams' but don't actually know how best to teach their students. But every silver lining has a cloud (or was that the other way round?), as they are now offering diplomas in selling beds!!! Oh standards...

It was always suspected, but know the Met Office was able to confirm. A foul smell that was filling up the air in the south of the country has now been traced as coming across the channel, from the Netherlands or Germany. This has earnt it the nickname of the Euro-Whiff. Insert witty anti-euro slogan here :)

Walking along the roads in London I was pleasantly surprised to not find any animal mess on the pavement (as opposed to Mainz, where you have to check every step you take). I think I now know why this is. They are scooping it all up and selling it as expensive coffee. I think I'll have mine without milk please...

April 9th is a special date in Colombia. In 1948 the future president was shot dead. Various events happened directly afterwards, but of course the most known is the start of the war with the Farc guerrillas. The BBC has an interesting article about this event that so changed a country. This is another occasion when a 'what if' question pops up.

Whilst over in the UK last week I managed to meet up with Nick one evening. He was awaiting his wife Victoria who was arriving back from the US early in the morning, so no drinking to report on. Due to fatigue, Saint George's Day went uncelebrated, maybe next year...

So, getting the grill all cleaned up, next weekend it's Barbie time !!

The end of the world, Congested receipts, Team for sale, Mozzarella woes

So, CERN is about to put it's finally finished Large Hadron Collider into use, and along comes a botanist from Hawaii and starts suing them for endangering the universe. I bet they weren't expecting that one. I hope they don't have to prove it in court...

The London congestion charge is a good step in the right direction of making the city a bit greener (or at least giving it more money to tackle the problem itself). And the possibility of paying online is another good step, cutting down on the paper that needs to be produced when doing it the manual way. However, a man from Kent was a bit shocked when, after filling out the form online, he received a truckload of paper receipts at his door. There were over 3000 of them! Just count those trees...

After having to dismiss the three members of his development team due to financial reasons, the ex-boss then announced their sale on craigslist. Yes, he said they were so good, and he was reluctant to let them go, but hopefully some other company will get to appreciate their value. Next up, s development team puts their boss up for sale...

Finally the open-skies agreement is coming into effect. This means air carriers no longer have to leave from their home country when flying to the US. So hopefully, that'll mean less stopovers, and cheaper prices. Well one can only hope...

Italy's mozzarella is now having trouble due to the fact that high levels of toxic chemicals were found in samples. Apparently the land where the buffalo graze was being used as an illegal dumping ground by the local waste disposal firm, that apparently is linked to the mafia there. So, I'll have the non-cheesy pizza then...

Scientists have now come up with evidence suggesting that cocaine use is not only bad for the person taking it, but also bad for the environment due to its effects on the biodiversity in the regions where it is produced. So, people caught snorting in future will be charged with environmental contamination as well?...

Bats are celebrating, now that a local council has introduced bat bridges to help them cross a busy road. Apparently they were constructed to replace the hedges that were taken away. They're still not green though...

Pork Pies are set to get a protected geographical status, as the European directive is currently going through. This will mean you will know if your pork pie a true Melton Mowbray or not.

After all the celebrations of the opening of terminal 5 on time and within budget, you have probably not failed to notice that there was a minor problem. Yes, the baggage controlling system wasn't tested fully, and meant up to 28 thousand pieces of luggage were not sent with their owners. This has led to hundreds of cancellations, and just as they thought they were recovering, along comes a snowfall and more flights had to be cancelled. Can't any projects go right???

So, make sure you label your luggage correctly, or just take hand luggage. I'm sure all your skiwear will fit in it...

Bear behind bars, real english, social networking problem, and sketching faces

A bear in Macedonia has been convicted by court of repeatedly stealing honey from a beehive. Apparently his defense was that he needed honey after somebody ate all his porridge. Whether or not he will have to do community service or get an ASBO prohibiting him from going within 100 yards of any beehive, remains to be seen.

Want to know the origins of the English language? Then don't take anything you find at this site seriously. However it is funny.

So what can go wrong if you only put in some information about yourself on one of the social networking sites? Well, in case you haven't read the news, read this article explaining how the info about the musical prostitute and the NY governor changed their lives and how it was found out. Now think again before you submit any more of your details...

Ever wanted to do your own mug shots, but couldn't quite get the hang of your etch-a-sketch? Ever wondered how they do it so well on CSI:Miami? Well, take a look at this site and you can have a dabble at doing it yourself. Scary...

Searching for net for all those interesting sites you don't want to I came across the following. FoodTube.net. People add videos of them making their favourite dishes. Great, I thought. I can let you all see how to make my speciality: Beans on Toast. No sooner had I got the result than I was forced to turn away. What's the point of having a perfect recipe and then adding a vegan sausage to it??? Needless to say, I will not be using this site again until it can show me how to make bubble and squeak properly.

In order to calm down the situation between Colombia, Ecuador and Venezuela, various local and international musicians got together and performed a concert for peace on the Colombian-Venezuelan border. Juanes, Carlos Vives, Alejandro Sanz and Miguel Bose were some of the star lineup which hopefully helped to calm down the tensions.

So now the easter bunny has come and gone, and everybody is feeling fat from eating all that chocolate. What better way of burning it off than for going for a jog or cycle ride. Hold on, it's freezing cold outside, and snowing. Never mind, some other day...

Stuck Toilets, Stolen G-Strings, Darmstadt Birthdays

So the weather has started to pick up. Despite having gale force winds the other week, a bit of warmth has come by, and one no longer needs to wear a scarf. Does that mean that summer's on it's way? Maybe...

In the US, a Kansas woman was found stuck to her boyfriend's toilet for over two years. Apparently she just didn't want to move from there. As her skin got used to the seat it actually grew around it, and so when she was taken to the hospital they had to surgically remove it from her. Sounds painful...

Finally heathrow airport has opened it's fifth terminal. And not only is it on time, but also within budget! It must be the envy of all government projects...

A postal worker in the UK was found to be opening parcels and stealing their contents. He was caught by a sting operation, where a bra and g-string were posted to a wrong address. After catching him opening the package on camera, the authorities questioned him and searched him for said items. Not finding them, he was asked to strip, whereby they found him wearing the g-string. The bra has still not been found...

Finally, our guy from Duesseldorf, sorry, Bonn - Johannes, had his birthday. Yes, he celebrated another decade in his current abode in Darmstadt. The fridge was duly filled with beer, the coffee beans started being ground, and the hamster was woken up. Yes, fun was had by all.

And remember not to sleep in the bathroom...

Snow, Lies, and Strikes

So no sooner than I say that we haven't had snow for ages and what happens? The sky clouds over and it begins to snow! Yes, we had about 30 mins of snow (which of course melted straight away) earlier in the week.

Ever thought that you understand the legal system? Okay, even a little bit? Well you'll have to rethink it again since in Italy the highest appeals court has just ruled that married italian women who are unfaithful are allowed to lie under oath to protect their honour. I wonder what the pope thinks about that...

On a rare occasion news about the strikes in Germany actually reach the international press. Normally you find full page spreads of how in France it's caused a tailback of hundreds of miles, but from Germany you only hear about a union strike affecting some transport. Well, finally the BBC has an article about the latest union strikes here. This hsa been happening every other week here since mid-2007, and is felt here as the trains are all delayed or cancelled, the buses and trams don't run, the kindergarten are closed, and the airport luggage handlers strike causing no hold luggage to be allowed on flights from German airports...it's weird that this doesn't make headlines outside of this country more often (maybe that's their way of making sure tourism isn't affected - don't let the news out of the country).

If you've ever been crossing a field and seen all the cow-pats along the route you've taken, I bet the only thing that crossed your mind was what a smell they cause. Well, a US dairyman took this thought further and created a bovine biogas plant from what comes out of the other end of his cows. It apparently can keep up with other power stations and provide enough gas for 1200 homes a day. Maybe there should be a government recycling initiative for manure collection...

Keep it green...

Anglo Earthquakes, Soft Police Dogs, Top TV Put-Downs and Birthdays

I remember winter when it snowed. And I mean at least 2 foot thick snow, where you could go sledging on your tea-tray down the slopes, build snowmen the size of a car, and when the milk arrived with it's frozen hat on top of the bottle (if the birds hadn't already eaten it away). But that's all gone. Warm winters, mild summers, the seasons are all messed up. This would also explain why we now get earthquakes in the UK!

The latest canine fashion has come. Yes, police dogs in Duesseldorf are getting their own shoes. Not as part of the latest fad of turning the green forrester-coloured policemen into more-internationally-recognised blue, but rather to protect their feet from broken glass. Anyone who has lived in a German city will recognise this as a local custom, smashing up any alcohol bottles in the street, especially if there is some sort of gathering in the city that day. You can't imagine what Mainz is like during and after the carnival...

Ever wanted to know how to put someone else down in a witty way? Ok, ever wanted to be able to reply to a put-down yourself? Well, you could do worse than using one of the TVs most popular ones, courtesy of the BBC.

Now for those that know him, Huese has undergone a change recently. Don't worry, he has not become a woman, he's actually become a German (that's meant to be a relief?). So next time you see him, remember to offer him a beer, split the bill for it with him, and throw the bottle on the floor afterwards...

A certain person who refused to come back to Mainz, and then did, and then refused to return to Germany, has now also done so. You will be able to find Jordi in Munich (when not travelling around Europe for his work). So if you're nearby, don't forget to honk your horn and maybe you'll get a tour of the dodgy side of this city (ok, not that dodgy, for that one would require Lobelto).

And finally, our beloved Lourdes celebrated her birthday on the 28th Feb, I'm not going to say how many years it was though :) And on Sunday our italian in Valencia (Luca) will be celebrating his as well. Happy birthday to you both !

Get into your hurricane shelters - the storm is on it's way...