Chasing the Cheese, Losing your Fingerprints, and Okay to Snog?

Fancy running after a cheese? How about rolling down a hill after it? That's what happened again this May bank holiday when the 7lb Double Gloucester was rolled down Cooper's Hill. Be warned however if you plan to join in next year - 58 people needed medical attention this year...

The Chinese theme park based upon sex, with naked bodies, large genitalia and the history of sex, has not been allowed to open. No, the government managed to step in and say that "Love Land" was just sensationalist and had no moral values. So, let's see if those flight tickets can be canceled...

An often used cancer drug has been found to remove patient's fingerprints. As it causes blisters and peeling of the skin, after using it for some time, the fingerprints become so faint that they can no longer be detected for ID purposes, for instance at the US border control. I can see spiderman coming back with this knowledge...

Ever wanted to know if your breath is minty fresh enough for chatting up that lovely lady in the pub? Well, first off, don't bother worrying, if you've had a few pints, it'll be the lager they can smell whether you've done your teeth or not. But seriously, an israeli inventor has come up with a "breathalizer" which you can use to check if you're going to put someone off before you get close to them. Of course, it's not mentioned about people from different cultures having different versions of their preferred smells...

So, another national holiday has gone by, weather wasn't good enough for a BBQ though. Have to leave that til august. Must say that "Educating Rita" at the English Theatre in Frankfurt was worth seeing, whatever the weather.

Keep it fresh...

Birthdays, German Busts and Shorter Meetings

First up, birthdays have been on left, right and centre. Ester, Vanessa and Caro L have all been out celebrating an extra candle on their cakes. Happy birthday to you all!

Anyone wondering about the German preference for large breasted women can now go back to the origins, after a 35,000 year-old statue was found of the earliest 3D pornography. As one can see, here too were the proportions more on a fantasy scale rather than something realistic. Unless they are realistic, then I think there will be many people wishing they could go back in time to check it out for themselves...

Ever thought that the meeting you need to go to shouldn't take up a whole hour that it is set for? Maybe you wanted a quick decision on something without the filling in a whole block of your diary. Well, IBM has come up with a solution for you. You will be able to schedule shorter meetings than the one-hour unit. Yes, they will sell you software that will allow you to have a meeting of 50 mins if you like. Think you can do this yourself without their help? Well, watch out, they have just filed a patent on shorter-than-one-hour meetings...

You will probably already know of Google StreetView, where cars of the search giant go around cities filming everything they see, which is then made available for all to see on Google Maps. Personally I find it a great help being able to see what an area looks like before visiting it. Of course, there is the privacy to consider. After catching people in all sorts of positions, they were forced to integrate a face-blurring algorithm. This has been seen as a great way of protecting people's identities without losing the great quality images. Well, it seems that this algorithm is so good, it's also started protecting children from the fast-food industry. Yes, Colonel Sanders face has been blurred, looking eerily like one of those crimewatch videos...

The (polish) catholic church is fighting back and showing people it's up to date with modern wishes. Yes, a priest has decided to get people away from that far eastern Karma Sutra, and onto his own book called "Sex as you don't know it". It's already on a second reprint after selling out of its initial 5000 copies within a week...

Well tonight it's the Eurovision Song Contest. Get your vote in...

Birthday Wishes, Hedgehog Diet, Hidden Irish

So first up it was Olgui's birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday !!! This year's event took place in Havanna (the restaurant) with a fair number of tables being filled by guests. Highlights of the night were the rollos (of which were eaten about 15) and the birthday cake (with chocolate sticks for candles).

Now some people go on diets, then their cats and dogs go on diets, but this is the first time I've heard about a hedgehog having to go on a diet. It apparently weighs over 2 kilos...

Lined up for brain surgery? Maybe it's worth insisting that no Father Ted is shown on the hospital television beforehand. A Yorkshire man woke up from his with a full Irish accent, despite having never been to the country, nor having an relatives from there...

Next time you hear noises late at night have a thought for this lady that now has to appear before court for having breached her ASBO for noisy sex again. There apparently is no proof of the noise except for the neighbours not being able to sleep...

An interesting twist has come to the tale of Israeli oranges that appeared in Iran. Apparently they were faked brand oranges from China...

Finally wanted to get some use from Google Street View? Well how about for checking out the local ladies of the night...

Wrap up well...

Protective Underwear, Long-distance Loving and despicable parenting


Get nervous when youths enter a shop you are in? Feel intimidated when people start shouting at each other around you? Want to wear a bullet-proof vest but worry you can't disguise it? Well fear no more, all you need is a suitably wired bra, as a woman in Detroit found out. When four robbers trying to escape saw that a woman had been watching them, they fired off a shot at her. This bullet hit the underwiring of her bra and was deflected, not even piercing her skin. Now all we need to do is find something similar men can wear...

Technology can solve everything someone once said. Well, for the people that are a long distance apart yet need the intimacy between them to carry on, scientists have invented such a device that projects the position of one body through light on your own body and allows as such a virtual interaction. However, it's uses are not restricted here, they are also testing a similar device for virtual fighting...

The province of Alberta in Canada might not be well know all over the world, but a brief knowledge of geography and one can normally know that it's a land-locked (shouldn't this be logged?) state. So it was a bit of a surprise when their latest tourist video showed pictures of a family on a beach. Further investigation showed that the picture of the beach was actually from Northumberland in the UK. Well, I suppose the advert helped someone's tourism...

Feeling the pinch of the financial crisis? No longer able to do all things you used to? Feel insecure about how your family is going to survive? So what would you do? Well, hopefully not set off for Italy and then leave your three young children in a pizzeria and go into hiding like this faimly in Germany just did. It beggars belief what some people have for brains...

So a BBQ along the Rhine coming up if the weather holds, great way of sing up those sausages...

Tube Reading, Sexless Ants and Brazilian Lingerie

Whilst the weather can't make up it's mind, why not take the tube to some of London's favourite tourist attractions. Whilst you're about it, pick up a good read. Once a month novels are given outside certain tube stations and can be dropped off once they are read. Makes a change from all those free papers that end up stuck to the bottom of your foot, or lanced at you whilst you walk down Oxford Street...

Remember those science fiction films you saw as a kid (or maybe also as a grown up?) where the villains use cloning to produce their perfect race of soldiers? Well, amazonian ants have started cloning themselves, so they no longer need to mate in order to reproduce. As it's known by all that ants will take over the world someday, surely this is the first wakeup call, that this day is coming soon?...

Considering taking the missus away on a dirty weekend? Well don't think about coming to the UK. A Brazilian woman has been refused entry to Newcastle airport (after also being denied to enter Belfast too after it was found that she had a lot of underwear in her suitcase, but little else. It just goes to show that one should travel without any clothes then...although I bet you'll be turned back for other reasons as well...

Looking for that unusual gift for someone special? Well the new rage in Australia is paper made from wombat poo. Yep, this isn't just any recycling, it's exporting the sewage that one would normally pump out into the sea or bury in land fills. Genius...

The so-called environmental bonus in Germany is under mounting criticism that it's creating scrapyards full of cars that would otherwise have been resold. Cars with less than 20k on the clock, 9 years old, sparkling condition are all being scrapped as the Germans get a bonus off purchase of their new car. Of course this means more people are buying smaller cars now (the bonus is therefore a higher discount) but also, as Germans are used to changing their cars every other year, it's created a surge in scraps which are perfectly ok to drive, and probably not even environmentally worse than the newer ones they buy. It reminds me of a time (1939?) when all metal objects were collected by the government in order for them to make products of their own...

Now for something completely different. You may have asked why are people on the telly always good looking? Why aren't there any not-so-good-looking people that have talent? Well, in Britain's Got Talent a lady named Susan Boyle appeared, astounding critics with her marvelous rendition of Les Miserables, despite coming on stage to jeers and laughs. You have to see this video of it. Very enlightening...

So get your karaoke out and start practicing...

Meat, Sex and Pineapples

According to new research, eating the famous bacon sarnie after going on a bender does actually help to cure your hangover. It wouldn't surprise many of us, however, things like this we have known since the heady days of Selly Oak life. What we're still waiting for is the proof that having a curry at 4am after coming back from a club also helps one to lose weight...

It appears that chimps have finally figured out the meaning of life. The male chimps now know that if they share their portion of meat with the ladies, they get to mate more often than their greedy cousins. Of course there will be nervousness around the hut, with rumours of a "meat for sex" scandal to erupt soon...

So you've come to a foreign country to film a video, and you decide to have a break and go and grab a bite to eat. Who do you leave protecting your expensive camera kit? A security guard? Policeman? Some big bloke who needs the money? Well these japanese decided that leaving some poor guy dressed in a pineapple outfit would be enough. As you can imagine, the camera kit vanished quicker than you could say pineapple juice...

Always on the lookout for great job descriptions, the swedish have decided that they are missing out on claiming tax on people stripping on the web. So some poor guy has to go around visiting all the stripping webcam sites of the internet, checking to see if one of the strippers could be swedish, who he then tries to contact in order to get a name or address so that he can then send off a tax bill to her. Must be a difficult job to find people for...maybe the community could do it for him...

Do your bit...

Sunning it up

So, you've finished looking at the pictures of the Mainz Carnival 2009, and wanting to know what to do? Well, you should have gone down to Colombia in March. Great weather (sun, 35 degrees celsius in Barranquilla), great food (perrito italo-hawaiano, chuzo de pollo desgranado con mazorca, sancocho, arequipe, fritanga...), great music (Santana in concert) so I hope you can understand why I didn't update this blog for a while :)

Anyways, the world has moved on over the last month. The sun has actually come to work part-time in Mainz. Yes, the last couple of days we've had sunny spells, and temperatures rising to 18 degrees! Time to put the winter clothes away and get those shorts back out...

If you're planning on going down to the Black Forest, double check which hotel you've booked into, as one in particular has decided to go naturist. Clothes are completely forbidden. Just make sure you don't order a hot dog...

How to annoy everyone at a political summit? Hold up the starting speech by talking on your phone. That's what Berlusconi decided to do at the NATO summit. I wonder whether the Italians pay his roaming charges...

Get those grills cleaned up, if this keeps up we'll be having a barbie next week :)

A little bit of the Carnival in Mainz 2009

Polish Drivers, Best Sarnies, and Chavez Dictates

The Carnival is underway here in Mainz, which means that you meet even stranger people on the street than normal, any style goes, and that there's always enough broken glass on the floor to cut your shoes open. Well, I suppose that's what the alcohol is for - it stops you worrying about these sort of problems. Today the children get to process in the pouring rain. Maybe it'll dry up by Monday when there are meant to be half a million extra people in the city...

If you were reading the driving license of a foreign national what would you think would be the most important piece of information on it? Maybe the name of the driver? Well not if you're in Ireland. On the police computer systems there are aver 50 people with the equivalent name of Mr Driving License. Good to know that the streets are safe...

Feeling peckish? Well why don't you pop down to Bob's Big Bite in Stourbridge and get your hands on a great bacon sandwich (as rated by the AA guide). Definitely one not to miss...

Want to get one over on a mate? Ten try copying this prank which sent a Manchurian up to Glasgow to see his new internet love, only to find she didn't exist. It brings a new level to team rivalry.

Hugo Chavez has pulled it off and is now able to be elected president of Venezuela as many times as he likes. The favourable vote nothing to do with the fact that the law also applies to all state positions...

So get your fancy costume on (yes, I mean you, Carlitos) and get down to the parade...

Chips and Ironing Boards, Missing Apostrophes, German Spies

As the snow and rain do their worst, there are some things in life that brighten up your day. Watching Wales play against England in the Rugby Six Nations yesterday is one of them (want to know the rules, watch this). Great game, helped along with the company of Carlitos and Luigi and a couple of beers. Hearing that I've become a godfather and uncle at the same time is another.

The Deutsche Bahn are having a bit of a problem now, as it turns out that they have been secretly spying on their employees, and their families. It gives most of the population a bitter taste harking back to the days of the third reich. Maybe the investigations were the reason why the trains always came late...

Ever wondered why a chippy always smells good when you pass by? Well according to new research, the mix of smells from butterscotch to ironing boards are the reason. Let's get those shirts out again then...

There is a current trend in the West Midlands of getting rid of that little harmless dot, the apostrophe. Yes, all street signs have started having theirs snowpaked out. Of course some people aren't happy about this, so they've started up a group of apostrophe protectors that protest against these inhumane persecutions.Next they'll be wanting to get rid of commas...

The Telegraph has done some investigation and found a reason why kids nowadays should be doing cocaine instead of having a pint of lager - it's cheaper (sorry, am I allowed that apostrophe?).
Maybe we should bring back the good old days of a pound a pint in order to get rid of the drug craze :)

Well, the Carnival time is getting nearer, weirdly dressed people are all over town, and it's not the usual lot of the lederhosen brigade. There will be cows, bulls, even certain cartoon robots (bender?) all out there mingling with the other strangely dressed objects. So button down the hatches and unplug the TV, there's no escaping it...

Snow Chaos, Final Countdown and Back to Earth

In case you hadn't heard already, the UK is currently experiencing the worst snow conditions for over 20 years. This has led to schools being closed, all buses in London being taken out of service, huge delays and many cancellations at airports, and low levels of salt for gritting the roads. At least those that are inside can keep cosy with their mugs of ovaltine and a log fire...

The clock's ticking, not long left now. Are you ready for it? Yes, it's the Epoch countdown. In under a week the computer date system will reach 1234567890. Rumours of millenium-style problems occurring are completely unfounded...

After a while out exploring the universe(s), Red Dwarf is set to come back to Earth this Easter. Yes, the series will be coming back to our screens for a couple of episodes to top off their 11 year stint on the BBC. Set your video recorder...

On a similar note, if you have a problem, and you don't know who to call, then get down to the cinemas next year to see the film version of The A-Team. Whether BA will be able to board the plane to Hollywood has yet to be seen...

The new African Union chairman is going to make things interesting this year, as Col Gaddafi has started off by saying that in Africa, the best model is where there are no opposition parties, like in his own Libya. He also started up the discussion of the United States of Africa again...

In the meantime, here in Mainz it's been raining most of the time, which sort of dampens the spirits for going out to parties at the moment. Never mind, maybe Ali will cook up a great Sunday dinner for us :)

Eat well...

Dream Job, Deadly Jams, Suicidal Goats and Polite Deaths

Ever wanted to know what your dream job was? I'm sure it involved a lot of money, for little work, in surroundings that you love, doing what you love.
Well then this job might be just up your alley.
Money: 70 thousand pounds. Contract: 6 months. Job Description: Caretaker of one of the islands of Australia's Whitsunday Islands. Includes feeding fish, collecting island's mail, sailing, diving, laying on beach. Not more than 12 hours a month. Now, where did I have my CV...

Next time you see a splodge of jam on the side of a plate, duck for cover. US scientists are investigating exploding marmalade for use in rockets. I think I'm having honey on my crumpets...

The animals of a Canadian zoo are coming to terms with the sad loss of one of their goats. This wasn't just any loss, but the goat apparently was found hanging from a noose within it's enclosure. The penguins are currently investigating the circumstances surrounding it.

A new theory is being suggested as to why so many Britons died on the Titanic when it sunk. The politeness of the British was apparently the reason why they made sure the others were out of harm's way before thinking about themselves. I think I would also want to check the percentage of British on board first, as a majority would also explain it quite reasonably.

Missing those great old steam locomotives? Then head down to Darlington where a the first steam engine to be built in nearly 50 years is currently running passengers around England. You can just taste that smoke going into your lungs...hold on, isn't it a no-smoking train?

Did you use to phone up people asking if they are really mr so-and-so, and sniggering when they confirm it? Well, feel for people like that who have rude names in their addresses. Some of them get refused deliveries and turn red when trying to explain to people that their address really does have those words in it. Makes those old prank phonecalls seem tame in comparison...

Now let's check out this address on the GPS...

Pretty In Pink, The Truth Behind Smut

As the temperatures plummet, water pipes freeze, the roads become ice rinks, and everything is covered in a blanket of snow, sometimes one just wants to be a child again. Snowball fights, building snowmen, making yeti footprints and coming home frozen to the bone with snow coming out of your ears. Ah, the good old days...

Want an experience that Charles Darwin didn't get? Then head over to the Galapagos islands and check out the pink iguana. Yes, this fashion statement of a creature avoided Darwin's travels and has remained until recently a mystery. Looks to me like it forgot to put it's coat on...

What's green, slimy and flies? The new algae-burning Boeing 737 that's doing test runs around Texas. Using algae it doesn't create a shortage of foodstuffs in the third world. Whether the fish start complaining about their food reserves going down is yet to be seen.

If you're in the business of paying for pleasure (and I don't mean a game of monopoly) then you might want to read what the UK government are currently trying to pass through law without actually having thought it through properly. Of course this is not new, many laws are passed without even looking at the facts. If it's hyped enough, and a splattering of key words are used, then people will think they're stopping something bad, when in fact they could be affecting many things that are not bad at all. Read the article to get a lowdown on exactly what it entails. When will facts and statistics actually be used properly in politics?

Following on from the banks and auto industry, the sex industry in the US also wants a government bailout. They believe that with the current economic situation, fewer people will be enjoying the X-rated services offered by said companies. If you believe the US should pay to support it's pleasure palaces, then write to your congressman now...

Sticking to the US, ever wondered how the statistics look like on what topics Bush has been talking about and how the trends developed over time? Then have a look at this article, showing how terror, taxes, health, and jobs have fared over the last eight years.

Lots of weird things happen over the new year. Resolutions are made and broken, prices go up, it gets cold. Well, obviously someone had a bit of spare time on his hands and set about declaring his love from the rooftop of a carpet store. Whether he's trying to tell all the google earth viewers, or some local pilots is yet to be found out.

After 80 years, Winnie the Pooh is set to come back to the bookshelves with a new sequel approved by the estates of the original authors. Whether the honey still tastes as good, or piglet falls in love is of course a secret. You'll just have to read it yourselves...

Keep those heaters running...

New Year's Resolutions

Yes, those things that everybody makes and after about 4 days breaks. The promises that make us feel better just because we have thought of something we're bad at. Well, it's that time of year again, and half of you will be starting new diets, 30% will be giving up smoking, 20% will try to be more forgiving, and 3 people will promise to be vegetarians. So what was your resolution? Answers on the back of a postcard please...

Well the pope has made a change for new year. He's stated that the Vatican will no longer accept the laws of Italy without first considering every single one in much detail. The obvious ones to be ignored will be giving equal rights to homosexuals, abortions, divorce...do they really want to go back to the Spanish inquisition times?

You're a shopkeeper and want the day off over Christmas, but don't want to close the store. What do you do? Well, in north yorkshire a shopowner let customers take the things they wanted and leave their money in a tin for him. Apparently it worked. Although, if the shop had been in any of the neighbouring towns maybe there wouldn't be much left of it (as some of the interviewees in this article mention). I suppose it solves the problem of opening hours, although checking for ID on alcohol might be difficult...

Ever wanted to know what the locals are like? Moving into a new area, visiting on holiday? Wouldn't it be great if you could see if it's a dodgy area, or lots of roadworks, litter etc? Well welcome Google's Streetview, allowing you to see for instance, that in Madrid ladies are forced to urinate in the street. Whether it was an order from the Vatican has yet to be confirmed...

And as we prepare to go back to work after our festivities, what better than to look back at whom we spent them with. This year I must say that New Year in the north of England wouldn't normally be on the top of my list, but getting to do some great excursions, and of course to see my nephew, his parents, and my parents were of course the highlight. Christmas in Wiesbaden was also surprisingly enjoyable. No sauerkraut, no black bread, no lack of humour, just great food, drink, presents, and of course company. So thanks to all of you who made my festive season just that.

Now the weathermen are saying that next week will get down to minus 20 degrees. I really hope they got their decimal point wrong...otherwise we'll be scraping ice of the inside of our windows...

Post-Christmas Round-Up

The turkey has been eaten, the wine bottles are all empty, now we're at that time of the year where nobody really knows what to do. Of course, this has not stopped marketing types coming up with the idea of bringing forward the January sales so that they actually start from Boxing Day. So if you're not out getting next year's Christmas presents right now (best time of the year) then sit back, relax and read through my selected news stories.

So you got an iPhone for Xmas. yippee. Bored already? Want to actually make it do something useful? Well try the iBoobs application. It had to come at some point. Watch the video and see what tilt mechanisms are really meant for.

Maybe you got that same old boring doll again. Never mind, you can give that away to a friend whilst you play with the next generation. Yes, these dolls let you feed them, and when it's time, the processed food comes out down below. Take too long, and you'll be buying the extra packs of nappies...Just what very girl wanted !

Scientists fed up with telling us the problems that drugs have on our brains have come up with a job on the side. Yes, they're now playing with bees, getting them hooked on cocaine, selling their bodies to scientist pimps and throwing up outside the local pubs. Ok, the last two things are maybe an exaggeration, but the addiction of bees is being studied in great detail.

How did technology help little kids this Christmas? This year they got to track Santa's journey around the world using online maps and webcams. The pictures of him taking a short cut were apparently just fakes...

And what better way in getting peace to spread in the middle east, than to give the warlords a big pile of Viagra tablets. Yes, as they'll keep on saying - Make love, not war...

So if you managed to survive the cholesterol mountain, and you need something to do, then you just have to call the A(fter Xmas sales) Team...

Wrap up those credit cards well...

Perfume with Fries, Singing Underwear, and Swiss Opening

You've heard of the J-Lo scent, but did you know that a new perfume in wowing the crowds on the streets of New York this Christmas? This one you'll never guess. It's from Burger King. Yes, not only are people being asked if they want fries with their meal, but whether they want to smell like that even when they have left the establishment. Next up will be the Fishmonger's, Cheese-maker's and maybe the Manure-spreader's varieties...

Looking for a present for some woman that has everything? Well how about some Syrian underwear that falls down when you clap your hands? Or ones that have fairy lights on them and play ringtones? Until recently little known outside of Syria, these pieces of clothing are now coming to light and are arousing interest (pardon the pun) outside of the country.

Switzerland, the neutral country there in the middle of Europe has opened up its borders to other European countries. Yes, in November of 2008 it joined the Schengen Agreement allowing free movement for people from other member states. The population are now waiting to see whether or not a negative impact of this change will come. At least border controls should be quicker...

And finally in the terrible episode of the decline of Zimbabwe, Mugabe has decided that the cholera epidemic that is currently killing many inhabitants is an attack from Great Britain. Yes, in a country where the inflation rate has gone off the scale, poverty is nationwide, and political opponents commonly disappear, one can only hope that he gets removed from his position as soon as possible, and allows all the innocent people of Zimbabwe to try and rescue their lives.

So, Christmas is coming, it's already cold, so get your mug of mulled wine, put on the Christmas pud, and snuggle up to the fire.

Just remember, a blog's not just for Christmas...

Every Second Counts, Remakes, Dangerous Kisses

Sometimes you just have to take advantage of what time you have. This year, thanks to certain scientists, you get an extra second to use as you wish. No strings attached. So when you are listening to the bells toll at midnight on New Year's Eve, then think about that final second - you get to celebrate it twice ! Use it wisely...

After having seen the Americans rehash, sorry remake, The Italian Job, it comes as no surprise that others are following suit too. I don't know why people can't just leave originals as they are, and keep the memories fond. This time it's Bollywood that's making it, and will include lots of song and dance. I doubt there will even be a bank heist...

Next time you pucker up, be very careful. A Chinese woman was left deaf after her boyfriend gave her a bit too strong of a kiss. The media warned soon afterwards of the dangers of excessive kissing, and doctors advised people to proceed with caution...

You here of cities trying to build taller buildings to break records, but this time a Chinese city has decided it wants to know down it's tallest ones in order to be considered as a Unesco site. All very well you might think, but the owners of said buildings hadn't heard anything about it until this report...

The new Airbus A380 is now getting complaints from it's pilots - that it's too quiet. Apparently they like the rumble of the engines to fall asleep and drown out the noise of the passengers nearby...

Amsterdam is cutting down the number of red light district windows, and "coffee shops". Apparently they want to get rid of organised crime, but keeping their most famous attractions.

The Japanese like their toilets. They have dynamic flush options, are able to measure your body-fat ratio, can be heated, and have a wash function like that of a bidet. Makes those public toilets outside the Rewe supermarket at Mainz HBf really look like holes in the ground.

The Max Planck Institute is somewhat of a serious name here in Germany. They do great scientific research, are well recognised and are one of the best known German brands. So how do they feel, now that they mistakenly put up an advertisement for hot young housewives in Chinese on the front cover of the research magazine? You would have thought, they would have found someone to check it thoroughly before it went to press...

Well, Lobelto had his birthday a while back, but hasn't been here in Mainz yet to celebrate. Apparently he's arriving today - but we'll believe that when we see it. Apart from that the snow's been falling on occasional days, but not as much down south around Stuttgart earlier in the week. It's still cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey.

Wrap up well, and get one of them gluehweins down ya...

Facebook Guilt, Polar Mix-Up, and Dietry Accident


Let's start today with a poll. Hands up those of you who think they could be a good juror? And how many of you think that you would act accordingly to make your decision? Of those, how many of you would want to phone a friend? And how many would want to open it up to the public and get them to decide for you? Well, that's what happened in Burnley Crown Court when a juror posted the details of the sex-abuse case on her facebook account and then asked people to decide it for her. Nice to know we are in safe hands...

So you've got a polar bear and want it to breed. When looking for a mate, what would you normally put on your checklist? In good health? Right age? Easy to maintain?
Well in northern Japan, the zookeeper overlooked one important question: is the mate of the opposite sex? Yes, after keeping them together and seeing no intimate action, further investigation entailed where they found out that in fact their bear was female as was the one just bought. No wonder so many animals become extinct...

Part of the M42 motorway was closed the other day after a six car pile-up led to beer and marshmallows being spilt over the road. I'm sure the clean up people will have fun with that...

In order to preserve the British engineering work that went into building the bridges across the river thames, seven of them have now been given listed status. If that included the London bridge that the americans bought off us has yet to be confirmed.

Love scones? Bored of the same old flavours? Well then, you're in luck! A northumberland cafe owner has been producing scones of such variety, that she's now trying for the guinness record. Flavours include Newcastle Brown Ale, Chili, and almost anything else you can imagine. Get your boots on and pick up your next batch now.

So the Christmas markets have now opened across Germany, mulled wine is being consumed, as are the usual sausages in a bun, roast pork, roasted almonds etc.

Keep that woolly hat on...

Wonky Veg, Perfect Puds and Paper Spoof

Whilst the weather takes a turn towards winter, the snow starts falling, and the Christmas biscuits and stollen are now on sale (ok, they have been since October), one needs to relax with a glass of wine by an open fire and enjoy it. Either that or you freeze at home thinking about all that work to do and all those people in the way doing their festive shopping...

The European Union is reversing a law that they introduced banning the sale of 26 types of fruit and vegetables if they did not come up to standards. These standards included that a carrot cannot be wobbly, a cucumber must be straight and many other completely bizarre cases. This meant that these items of food were only allowed to be used for processing, or more likely, thrown away. Hopefully now we will not be wasting so much food for such a stupid rule, and then complaining there isn't enough food in the world...

The Royal Society of Chemistry has proven their worth once more as they have now decided on the exact definition of a true Yorkshire Pudding. So none of that pre-cooked meal stuff, or soggy mini puds on the side of your plate. This is the real thing...

A spoofed edition of the New York Times was printed out a million times and distributed on the streets to unwitting passers by. It included stories about the Iraq War ending, the US getting free healthcare, and other hopeful events. It was also dated in the future, in case people hadn't realised by now that it wasn't actually the paper they expected.

Don't believe everything you read...

Foot Massages, Ovine Lolitas, and Star Wars Toast

Last weekend Celine came to visit. Thankfully not THE Celine. Just in time for a mini celebration. So off we went to the English Theatre in Frankfurt to watch Gas Lights. Very good play set in victorian England. Before that we had to fill our stomaches with something tasty, so one Kangaroo Burger later and there we were finding our seats in the theatre.

Of course there was another reason for the mini celebration. A certain someone reached a new decade in his life. But let's not go into that :)
Coming back to Mainz reasonably late, we found Carlitos and Luigi already at the Eisgrub awaiting our arrival. A few beers later and we were all merry.

Now onto some news.

Do you have tired feet? Need a relaxing massage? Then go down to south London and sign up for school. Yes, children that misbehave are being given foot massages to calm them down. That just sounds like an incentive to me. I promise not to be noisy at work if I get a foot massage once a week :)

Like lambs? A lot? Want to watch them via webcam all day long, give them a name, and get regular photos? Then pop over to Sacramenia in Spain and sign up now. Or see a therapist. Or both, for that matter...

A man who robbed a bank wearing a dayglo vest, safety goggles, a dust mask, and a blue shirt and was able to escape by a large crowd of similarly dressed people gathering outside has finally been caught. He had recruited the others on Craigslist, none of which had any idea that they were being used as a decoy for the police. One has to marvel at how the internet can help every area of our lives...

Fan of Star Wars? Wanted to show everyone that you are the number one? Well hurry along and buy the all new Darth Vader toaster. Yes, you can now produce your very own pieces of toast with the image of the man himself burnt into them. Definitely a must-have for Christmas :)

Want an interesting court case? How about one where someone strips off to prove his point? Well that's what's going to happen in January...

Stay well covered...