Dream Job, Deadly Jams, Suicidal Goats and Polite Deaths

Ever wanted to know what your dream job was? I'm sure it involved a lot of money, for little work, in surroundings that you love, doing what you love.
Well then this job might be just up your alley.
Money: 70 thousand pounds. Contract: 6 months. Job Description: Caretaker of one of the islands of Australia's Whitsunday Islands. Includes feeding fish, collecting island's mail, sailing, diving, laying on beach. Not more than 12 hours a month. Now, where did I have my CV...

Next time you see a splodge of jam on the side of a plate, duck for cover. US scientists are investigating exploding marmalade for use in rockets. I think I'm having honey on my crumpets...

The animals of a Canadian zoo are coming to terms with the sad loss of one of their goats. This wasn't just any loss, but the goat apparently was found hanging from a noose within it's enclosure. The penguins are currently investigating the circumstances surrounding it.

A new theory is being suggested as to why so many Britons died on the Titanic when it sunk. The politeness of the British was apparently the reason why they made sure the others were out of harm's way before thinking about themselves. I think I would also want to check the percentage of British on board first, as a majority would also explain it quite reasonably.

Missing those great old steam locomotives? Then head down to Darlington where a the first steam engine to be built in nearly 50 years is currently running passengers around England. You can just taste that smoke going into your lungs...hold on, isn't it a no-smoking train?

Did you use to phone up people asking if they are really mr so-and-so, and sniggering when they confirm it? Well, feel for people like that who have rude names in their addresses. Some of them get refused deliveries and turn red when trying to explain to people that their address really does have those words in it. Makes those old prank phonecalls seem tame in comparison...

Now let's check out this address on the GPS...

Pretty In Pink, The Truth Behind Smut

As the temperatures plummet, water pipes freeze, the roads become ice rinks, and everything is covered in a blanket of snow, sometimes one just wants to be a child again. Snowball fights, building snowmen, making yeti footprints and coming home frozen to the bone with snow coming out of your ears. Ah, the good old days...

Want an experience that Charles Darwin didn't get? Then head over to the Galapagos islands and check out the pink iguana. Yes, this fashion statement of a creature avoided Darwin's travels and has remained until recently a mystery. Looks to me like it forgot to put it's coat on...

What's green, slimy and flies? The new algae-burning Boeing 737 that's doing test runs around Texas. Using algae it doesn't create a shortage of foodstuffs in the third world. Whether the fish start complaining about their food reserves going down is yet to be seen.

If you're in the business of paying for pleasure (and I don't mean a game of monopoly) then you might want to read what the UK government are currently trying to pass through law without actually having thought it through properly. Of course this is not new, many laws are passed without even looking at the facts. If it's hyped enough, and a splattering of key words are used, then people will think they're stopping something bad, when in fact they could be affecting many things that are not bad at all. Read the article to get a lowdown on exactly what it entails. When will facts and statistics actually be used properly in politics?

Following on from the banks and auto industry, the sex industry in the US also wants a government bailout. They believe that with the current economic situation, fewer people will be enjoying the X-rated services offered by said companies. If you believe the US should pay to support it's pleasure palaces, then write to your congressman now...

Sticking to the US, ever wondered how the statistics look like on what topics Bush has been talking about and how the trends developed over time? Then have a look at this article, showing how terror, taxes, health, and jobs have fared over the last eight years.

Lots of weird things happen over the new year. Resolutions are made and broken, prices go up, it gets cold. Well, obviously someone had a bit of spare time on his hands and set about declaring his love from the rooftop of a carpet store. Whether he's trying to tell all the google earth viewers, or some local pilots is yet to be found out.

After 80 years, Winnie the Pooh is set to come back to the bookshelves with a new sequel approved by the estates of the original authors. Whether the honey still tastes as good, or piglet falls in love is of course a secret. You'll just have to read it yourselves...

Keep those heaters running...

New Year's Resolutions

Yes, those things that everybody makes and after about 4 days breaks. The promises that make us feel better just because we have thought of something we're bad at. Well, it's that time of year again, and half of you will be starting new diets, 30% will be giving up smoking, 20% will try to be more forgiving, and 3 people will promise to be vegetarians. So what was your resolution? Answers on the back of a postcard please...

Well the pope has made a change for new year. He's stated that the Vatican will no longer accept the laws of Italy without first considering every single one in much detail. The obvious ones to be ignored will be giving equal rights to homosexuals, abortions, divorce...do they really want to go back to the Spanish inquisition times?

You're a shopkeeper and want the day off over Christmas, but don't want to close the store. What do you do? Well, in north yorkshire a shopowner let customers take the things they wanted and leave their money in a tin for him. Apparently it worked. Although, if the shop had been in any of the neighbouring towns maybe there wouldn't be much left of it (as some of the interviewees in this article mention). I suppose it solves the problem of opening hours, although checking for ID on alcohol might be difficult...

Ever wanted to know what the locals are like? Moving into a new area, visiting on holiday? Wouldn't it be great if you could see if it's a dodgy area, or lots of roadworks, litter etc? Well welcome Google's Streetview, allowing you to see for instance, that in Madrid ladies are forced to urinate in the street. Whether it was an order from the Vatican has yet to be confirmed...

And as we prepare to go back to work after our festivities, what better than to look back at whom we spent them with. This year I must say that New Year in the north of England wouldn't normally be on the top of my list, but getting to do some great excursions, and of course to see my nephew, his parents, and my parents were of course the highlight. Christmas in Wiesbaden was also surprisingly enjoyable. No sauerkraut, no black bread, no lack of humour, just great food, drink, presents, and of course company. So thanks to all of you who made my festive season just that.

Now the weathermen are saying that next week will get down to minus 20 degrees. I really hope they got their decimal point wrong...otherwise we'll be scraping ice of the inside of our windows...

Post-Christmas Round-Up

The turkey has been eaten, the wine bottles are all empty, now we're at that time of the year where nobody really knows what to do. Of course, this has not stopped marketing types coming up with the idea of bringing forward the January sales so that they actually start from Boxing Day. So if you're not out getting next year's Christmas presents right now (best time of the year) then sit back, relax and read through my selected news stories.

So you got an iPhone for Xmas. yippee. Bored already? Want to actually make it do something useful? Well try the iBoobs application. It had to come at some point. Watch the video and see what tilt mechanisms are really meant for.

Maybe you got that same old boring doll again. Never mind, you can give that away to a friend whilst you play with the next generation. Yes, these dolls let you feed them, and when it's time, the processed food comes out down below. Take too long, and you'll be buying the extra packs of nappies...Just what very girl wanted !

Scientists fed up with telling us the problems that drugs have on our brains have come up with a job on the side. Yes, they're now playing with bees, getting them hooked on cocaine, selling their bodies to scientist pimps and throwing up outside the local pubs. Ok, the last two things are maybe an exaggeration, but the addiction of bees is being studied in great detail.

How did technology help little kids this Christmas? This year they got to track Santa's journey around the world using online maps and webcams. The pictures of him taking a short cut were apparently just fakes...

And what better way in getting peace to spread in the middle east, than to give the warlords a big pile of Viagra tablets. Yes, as they'll keep on saying - Make love, not war...

So if you managed to survive the cholesterol mountain, and you need something to do, then you just have to call the A(fter Xmas sales) Team...

Wrap up those credit cards well...

Perfume with Fries, Singing Underwear, and Swiss Opening

You've heard of the J-Lo scent, but did you know that a new perfume in wowing the crowds on the streets of New York this Christmas? This one you'll never guess. It's from Burger King. Yes, not only are people being asked if they want fries with their meal, but whether they want to smell like that even when they have left the establishment. Next up will be the Fishmonger's, Cheese-maker's and maybe the Manure-spreader's varieties...

Looking for a present for some woman that has everything? Well how about some Syrian underwear that falls down when you clap your hands? Or ones that have fairy lights on them and play ringtones? Until recently little known outside of Syria, these pieces of clothing are now coming to light and are arousing interest (pardon the pun) outside of the country.

Switzerland, the neutral country there in the middle of Europe has opened up its borders to other European countries. Yes, in November of 2008 it joined the Schengen Agreement allowing free movement for people from other member states. The population are now waiting to see whether or not a negative impact of this change will come. At least border controls should be quicker...

And finally in the terrible episode of the decline of Zimbabwe, Mugabe has decided that the cholera epidemic that is currently killing many inhabitants is an attack from Great Britain. Yes, in a country where the inflation rate has gone off the scale, poverty is nationwide, and political opponents commonly disappear, one can only hope that he gets removed from his position as soon as possible, and allows all the innocent people of Zimbabwe to try and rescue their lives.

So, Christmas is coming, it's already cold, so get your mug of mulled wine, put on the Christmas pud, and snuggle up to the fire.

Just remember, a blog's not just for Christmas...

Every Second Counts, Remakes, Dangerous Kisses

Sometimes you just have to take advantage of what time you have. This year, thanks to certain scientists, you get an extra second to use as you wish. No strings attached. So when you are listening to the bells toll at midnight on New Year's Eve, then think about that final second - you get to celebrate it twice ! Use it wisely...

After having seen the Americans rehash, sorry remake, The Italian Job, it comes as no surprise that others are following suit too. I don't know why people can't just leave originals as they are, and keep the memories fond. This time it's Bollywood that's making it, and will include lots of song and dance. I doubt there will even be a bank heist...

Next time you pucker up, be very careful. A Chinese woman was left deaf after her boyfriend gave her a bit too strong of a kiss. The media warned soon afterwards of the dangers of excessive kissing, and doctors advised people to proceed with caution...

You here of cities trying to build taller buildings to break records, but this time a Chinese city has decided it wants to know down it's tallest ones in order to be considered as a Unesco site. All very well you might think, but the owners of said buildings hadn't heard anything about it until this report...

The new Airbus A380 is now getting complaints from it's pilots - that it's too quiet. Apparently they like the rumble of the engines to fall asleep and drown out the noise of the passengers nearby...

Amsterdam is cutting down the number of red light district windows, and "coffee shops". Apparently they want to get rid of organised crime, but keeping their most famous attractions.

The Japanese like their toilets. They have dynamic flush options, are able to measure your body-fat ratio, can be heated, and have a wash function like that of a bidet. Makes those public toilets outside the Rewe supermarket at Mainz HBf really look like holes in the ground.

The Max Planck Institute is somewhat of a serious name here in Germany. They do great scientific research, are well recognised and are one of the best known German brands. So how do they feel, now that they mistakenly put up an advertisement for hot young housewives in Chinese on the front cover of the research magazine? You would have thought, they would have found someone to check it thoroughly before it went to press...

Well, Lobelto had his birthday a while back, but hasn't been here in Mainz yet to celebrate. Apparently he's arriving today - but we'll believe that when we see it. Apart from that the snow's been falling on occasional days, but not as much down south around Stuttgart earlier in the week. It's still cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey.

Wrap up well, and get one of them gluehweins down ya...

Facebook Guilt, Polar Mix-Up, and Dietry Accident


Let's start today with a poll. Hands up those of you who think they could be a good juror? And how many of you think that you would act accordingly to make your decision? Of those, how many of you would want to phone a friend? And how many would want to open it up to the public and get them to decide for you? Well, that's what happened in Burnley Crown Court when a juror posted the details of the sex-abuse case on her facebook account and then asked people to decide it for her. Nice to know we are in safe hands...

So you've got a polar bear and want it to breed. When looking for a mate, what would you normally put on your checklist? In good health? Right age? Easy to maintain?
Well in northern Japan, the zookeeper overlooked one important question: is the mate of the opposite sex? Yes, after keeping them together and seeing no intimate action, further investigation entailed where they found out that in fact their bear was female as was the one just bought. No wonder so many animals become extinct...

Part of the M42 motorway was closed the other day after a six car pile-up led to beer and marshmallows being spilt over the road. I'm sure the clean up people will have fun with that...

In order to preserve the British engineering work that went into building the bridges across the river thames, seven of them have now been given listed status. If that included the London bridge that the americans bought off us has yet to be confirmed.

Love scones? Bored of the same old flavours? Well then, you're in luck! A northumberland cafe owner has been producing scones of such variety, that she's now trying for the guinness record. Flavours include Newcastle Brown Ale, Chili, and almost anything else you can imagine. Get your boots on and pick up your next batch now.

So the Christmas markets have now opened across Germany, mulled wine is being consumed, as are the usual sausages in a bun, roast pork, roasted almonds etc.

Keep that woolly hat on...

Wonky Veg, Perfect Puds and Paper Spoof

Whilst the weather takes a turn towards winter, the snow starts falling, and the Christmas biscuits and stollen are now on sale (ok, they have been since October), one needs to relax with a glass of wine by an open fire and enjoy it. Either that or you freeze at home thinking about all that work to do and all those people in the way doing their festive shopping...

The European Union is reversing a law that they introduced banning the sale of 26 types of fruit and vegetables if they did not come up to standards. These standards included that a carrot cannot be wobbly, a cucumber must be straight and many other completely bizarre cases. This meant that these items of food were only allowed to be used for processing, or more likely, thrown away. Hopefully now we will not be wasting so much food for such a stupid rule, and then complaining there isn't enough food in the world...

The Royal Society of Chemistry has proven their worth once more as they have now decided on the exact definition of a true Yorkshire Pudding. So none of that pre-cooked meal stuff, or soggy mini puds on the side of your plate. This is the real thing...

A spoofed edition of the New York Times was printed out a million times and distributed on the streets to unwitting passers by. It included stories about the Iraq War ending, the US getting free healthcare, and other hopeful events. It was also dated in the future, in case people hadn't realised by now that it wasn't actually the paper they expected.

Don't believe everything you read...

Foot Massages, Ovine Lolitas, and Star Wars Toast

Last weekend Celine came to visit. Thankfully not THE Celine. Just in time for a mini celebration. So off we went to the English Theatre in Frankfurt to watch Gas Lights. Very good play set in victorian England. Before that we had to fill our stomaches with something tasty, so one Kangaroo Burger later and there we were finding our seats in the theatre.

Of course there was another reason for the mini celebration. A certain someone reached a new decade in his life. But let's not go into that :)
Coming back to Mainz reasonably late, we found Carlitos and Luigi already at the Eisgrub awaiting our arrival. A few beers later and we were all merry.

Now onto some news.

Do you have tired feet? Need a relaxing massage? Then go down to south London and sign up for school. Yes, children that misbehave are being given foot massages to calm them down. That just sounds like an incentive to me. I promise not to be noisy at work if I get a foot massage once a week :)

Like lambs? A lot? Want to watch them via webcam all day long, give them a name, and get regular photos? Then pop over to Sacramenia in Spain and sign up now. Or see a therapist. Or both, for that matter...

A man who robbed a bank wearing a dayglo vest, safety goggles, a dust mask, and a blue shirt and was able to escape by a large crowd of similarly dressed people gathering outside has finally been caught. He had recruited the others on Craigslist, none of which had any idea that they were being used as a decoy for the police. One has to marvel at how the internet can help every area of our lives...

Fan of Star Wars? Wanted to show everyone that you are the number one? Well hurry along and buy the all new Darth Vader toaster. Yes, you can now produce your very own pieces of toast with the image of the man himself burnt into them. Definitely a must-have for Christmas :)

Want an interesting court case? How about one where someone strips off to prove his point? Well that's what's going to happen in January...

Stay well covered...

Bookfairs, Fartgas and other health dangers

The Frankfurt bookfair ended last weekend. For those of you that don't know the little secrets, go on the last day (a Sunday) and make your way to the International Halls 8 (English) and 5.1 (Hispanic/Italian). Here you will find many publishers and country representatives selling off their books at a very good discount rather than pack them into their bags and fly them back home.
Getting the RMV Kombi-Ticket is also a good tip, as it includes the transport links to and from the fair and covers Mainz.

During the Second World War, various encoding machines were built to hide the confidential military messages that needed to be sent. In Germany they used the Enigma machines, which were duly cracked by a team in Bletchley Park in the UK with the Enigma machine. Maybe you knew that. What is a lot less known is that Germany also sold the commercial (weaker) version of these machines to Franco in Spain. These were successful at keeping the messages secret from the republicans, but what Franco probably did not know, was that the British were able to decipher his messages as well using their newly set up deciphering machine.
Now the Spanish have found 26 of these machines that belonged to Franco and are in full working order. Maybe they could send them off to Bletchley Park to help raise funds for the Museum...

Nothing could be more sacred than our non-metric measurements, afternoon tea (with those little triangular cucumber sandwiches) and the talking clock. When students go out partying in their first year away from home, this is what they wake up to in the morning after having dialled it and left their phone connected all night. Then comes the phone bill to confirm it, just in case they don't believe that it really happened to them. Well this age old tradition is now being gimmicked up with sponsorship from Disney. Yes, Tinkerbell will now be telling you in dulcet tones what hour of the day it is (and probably strongly suggesting you go and see her new film...)
What next? Big Ben sponsored by Nokia, having the SMS ring tones coming up every hour? Or even worse, the Crazy Frog one...

A woman in Japan has been put in jail after virtually murdering her virtual husband. She was not, however, put away for the virtual murder itself, rather for the stealing of the other gamer's login credentials. It's amazing what headlines one can get out of a story like that though...

Stink bombs smell bad. We all know that, that's why they sell. What we didn't know until now was that they also can help to control blood pressure. Yes, you read that correctly. So next time you smell an odour in the air, take a deep whiff (and prey that it was in fact a stink bomb and not the real thing...)

Keep sniffing...

Micha Visit, Tough Deodorants, No Known Abode

Faces from the past - Micha came over to Mainz yesterday as he was in Frankfurt for the book festival. The usual Eisgrub meeting went ahead (Carlitos, Luigi, Fidel, Mamen, Ali, Olgui were all present), lots of beer flowed and not many people are able to get up this morning.

Ever wanted to let someone know that maybe they need to cover up their odours? Look no further than Wal-Mart in Canada. They have the real thing, and that's for sure - check it out.

A legal case being brought against God has been dismissed, but not quite for the reason one would expect. It was agreed that He does exist, and therefore can be sued. However, as He is of no fixed abode it is impossible to serve him the papers for a court appearance.

Spare a thought for the San Cayetano Football Club from Peru. After losing their game 10-0, their bus was forced over the edge of a cliff by robbers and fell 600 feet killing 3 players and 2 of the owners...

Now it's off to the book festival to pick up some great bargains...

Weddings Galore and Animals in Need

Again there was a wedding of close friends here in Germany. Friedi and Marc tied the knot on Friday, with food and drink being served soon after, and not stopping until about midnight. Of course, this being Germany, we have the church wedding to look forward to next year as well :)
And again in Valencia two souls joined together and got hitched. And both of them wore dresses (you can decide who looked better in them). So the wee lass Angie and her now husband Jose (Marques to the rest of us) partied on down and exchanged rings also this weekend.
May both couples celebrate many more (years together - not weddings) and remember these moments just as long.

Ever seen a blue pig? Not likely. Well, the fire brigade in Derbyshire did when they rescued a pig out of the canal on a cold night. It has yet to be confirmed what it was doing in there (rumours say the backstroke).

After a sheep refused to budge from a Welsh motorway last week, police took out their tasers and gave it an electric shock. People stood in disbelief, wondering where this trigger-happiness came from. Well, at least it wasn't a real gun, otherwise there would be mutton stew on the menus in the local restaurant...

School kids, so innocent aren't they? Well think again if one of them decides to offer you some fresh home-made muffins. They may not be all that innocent as two teachers found out after being taken to hospital after ingesting the cannabis they were baked with...

So, weather's messing about again. At least it was good for the wedding.

Keep those animals on a leash...

Jedi Degree, Red Light Gallery and Last of Grange Hill

Want to learn how to be a Jedi? Then sign up to the Belfast University one-day course starting in November. Just remember not to go over to the dark side...

Something like nostalgia came back when I heard that the BBC tv-series Grange Hill has shown its last episode. This is a series that's been going on since I was at primary school. Despite not having watched it for probably 18 years, it's intro music always gets stuck in your head when you think about it. Lets hope whatever they use to replace it is also memorable enough (for good reasons).

Want to see the 'sights' of Amsterdam without actually crossing the channel? Then head down to the national gallery, where an exhibition of the red light district is currently being shown (no, they're not real people in the windows...).

For those broccoli lovers out there (yes, Olga, that's you :) take heart in the fact that research now suggests that eating this vegetable helps your lungs against serious diseases. Put that together with the research from not long ago that broccoli also protects you against diabetes effects on blood vessels. So get some of it on your plate now !

As the world championship of conkers gets underway, a health and safety office has decided to back the event in order to show they don't want to be spoilsports in such fun and games. So get your conkers in the oven, the vinegar out, and thread those strings through.

As the preparations for the tailgating in Ann Arbor get underway, let's see if a miracle can happen, and Michigan can actually win...

Eat your greens...

Importance of Online News Sites, French Big Sister, and More Para-Golds

So nobody really reads news stories online, you say? Well, due to a 6-year-old story about United Airlines appearing on the Google News Site this week, United's share prices fell 75% !!! Obviously someone important was reading that story...

I couldn't believe what I was reading in this article on the Register which tells about a database of French people being created of anyone likely to cause trouble. This list includes politicians, businessmen, trade unionists etc. Apparently it will be converged with the new biometric ID cards in France, in order to have a complete picture of anyone that might at some point become interesting...sounds like the UK version gone awry...

So you're not quite following the Tour de France since Armstrong left it in 2005? Pack you yellow jersey and book your flights, he's coming back out of retirement for the 2009 race. Let's see if the sport gets an image boost through this...

The Olympics might have been a triumph for the UK, but the Paralympics are becoming a dream. Great Britain is currently in second place to China, with a total of 61 medals (29 of them gold). Well done team GB !!

Can't wait for 2012...

Weddings, Drugs and a Lump of Sugar

Yesterday was a special day. Yes, Britta and Johannes got married in Darmstadt (after 10 years of being together) to the delight of many children. The drinks flowed, the sketches were hilarious, and fun was had by all.
In another city in another country, another couple also got married. After nearly as many years together, Alberto (Albakra) and Sofia tied the knot in Valencia.
So to both couples congratulations are sent out, and may they celebrate many happy years more.

The latest sporting drugs scandal has been declared. No, not in cycling, nor in running, but in Sumo wrestling. Yes, no longer can you assume that those hefty sportsmen are so dedicated to their sport, as a number were found to have been taking marijuana. Yep, steroids are not needed for this sport, they obviously need to relax after a sweat-filed game...

Another unbelievable story is that of an elephant in China that was recovered from illegal traders and found to be having withdrawal symptoms. Apparently the traders had been feeding it with heroin-injected bananas. After a spell in rehab, it seems like it has been cured of it's addiction, and now only requests clean bananas hand-picked by girls dressed in hula-hula dresses...

The Czech government has come into controversy after a new PR campaign to let it's inhabitants know about its forthcoming presidency of the EU. It used a saying about making the EU sweeter with a lump of sugar which also means to make it taste it's own medicine apparently. There are no translation problems to blame, those are the two meanings in the Czech language. The questions for the president are flooding in...

And after having made it to forth place in the Beijing Olympics, Great Britain is now leading the board in the Paralympics with 4 gold medals after only one day. Let's wish them all the best for the rest of the Games...

Sixteen years is a long time in politics. Especially when there are no democratic elections.
Well after that amount of time without, Angola has just held it's parliamentary elections which observers say seemed to be fair. Let's hope the African Nation picks up it's pieces after the civil war and manages to make the best use of all its natural resources.

Back to the autumn...

Open Skies, Joss-stick risk, getting wetless, and Portsmouth Posters

Research suggests that the use of Joss-sticks and incense increase the risk of cancer. So are we now going to see catholic churches putting up hazard signs at the entrances? Don't hold your breath...


A British company has found a method to make any material 100% waterproof. Expect to see beach-laptops, paper drinking glasses and shoes that actually stay dry inside...

Portsmouth Dockyards have been doing a promotional poster campaign recently that has had some unusual side effects. Just take a look at the posters, think of those sailors alone at sea for so long, and then have a laugh...

Ever seen sheep crossing the London bridge? If not, hold on to your hats, as a woman who was made freeman of the city will use her right to do this to help promote fundraising for Kent cathedral. As far as I know the law still exists that if a gentleman wishes to take a leek in the city, he may ask a policeman to shield him with his cloak. I wonder if anyone is going to try and exercise that right...

And finally we can now cook in peace. Yes, the hind-quarter showing, no-longer-breathing, sky-light-blocking bird has now been removed. What a relief.

And now the wine festival in Mainz is coming to a close, so make a last ditch attempt to see it whilst you can today...

Bird on Top

Not to make this predictable, you may notice there is only one headline today. But you'll have to read through the other news before you find out why. Oh, hold on, you don't, you just have to scroll...another reason why the internet spoils things for us.

For any of you wishing to read raunchy versions of the Belgian hero Tintin, you'll have to go back to hunting on ebay, as the latest comic strip "The pink lotus" has had to be pulled from the shelves after complaints.

Want to bump up your bra size a bit? Boyfriend ever get thirsty while out on the town? Then this new device is for you. It's a bra with inflatable/fillable bags inside, connected with a tube. The idea is to fill it up to the top with you tipple of choice (nearly a Freudian slip there), allowing you to strut you larger stuff around and as soon as said friend gets thirsty, he just takes a swig from the tube. I see a possible different use to this. How about needing the loo, and the ladies' queue is miles long? Then just fill up said tube in a dark corner and keep on partying! How about when the bags are empty (either not having been yet, or the drink's already been finished). Then why not just blow it up a few sizes? One might want to check for leaks though...

Notting Hill Carnival is on again this bank holiday weekend. Yes, get out your colourful clothing, and get down to London to party the day away whilst eating such specialities as jerk chicken and curry goat. In fact the history of the carnival, the riots and the race relations act is very interesting as well. Take a look at it here. If you want the lowdown of what is eaten on such an occasion, then check out the official site here.

Now onto the birds. One would assume that despite strong rainfalls, birds generally are able to protect themselves, hide under shelter, or just make sure they are well pruned with enough grease on their feathers. But then something has to happen to prove you wrong. So whilst Sara and Tati were going through the pasta and wine dinner chez moi, we heard a big thump. On looking up we can see a pigeon's hind quarters just popping over the sky-light window. Upon winding up and down the window a few times we came to realise that is wasn't just perched there, but fell out of the sky and landed there. So now whilst I'm cooking I can look up and see a dead bird's backside. How appetising...

Bon appetite...

Madge Birthday, America under Google Attack, London Crime

Today marks the 50th birthday of Madonna. To see a brief summary of her career check out the bbc link here. Happy Birthday !

Most of you know of Google Maps. It is used in reference in many other sites as a reliable way of mapping something that's happened. Well after Georgia was attacked by Russia this week, many people turned to this page to check out what was going on. They were astonished to see that the news article brought up a link to the American state of Georgia. Thankfully Bush did not order an attack on Russia as a result of this. Just goes to show how computer intelligence is still no match for a good brain...

Wanting to buy a house in London? Maybe just planning a trip around the city on your own? Well the metropolitan police department have created a crime map (yes, based on Google Maps...) to show you which areas have higher than average crime rates, so you can avoid those hotspot areas. Just make sure it is London, UK before you pay for anything...

And finally, anyone around Alicante today should try to pop by Alberto's abode. Here is where Albakra's stag party is taking place tonight. Let's hope the beer flows, the strippers dance, and no-one gets interviewed...

Have one on me...

The Orwellian Truth, Bad Citings and Van Gogh's Grass

Had a great 35 degrees in Valencia whilst also touring a bit around Oliva. Met up with people like Gema, Albakra, Sofia, Fernando, Luca, Nuria, Sylvia, Elena C, Elena P, Gloria, and Luis' family in Denia, all of whom were complaining about the heat, whilst using it as a great excuse to have another beer.
It was also the moment when Ortega announced to us about his plans to marry. Reports that his proposal went like this "sabes lo que te quiero decir?" or "has pensao alguna vez en..." are unfounded.

Interested in George Orwell? Want to know more personal details about him? Then get over to the blog of his diaries (first entry Aug 9th). These are not his political ramblings but more his day to day "went to buy bread" type of notes. Each day a new entry is posted as per his original diary.

The internet is great for researching. Never before have so many sources been available, and easily searchable. However a lesson from my old history class keeps on popping up in my mind. We were taught at length about not believing all we can see or that is written (examples were of a photo taken at the time of Hitler's rule in Germany - all people in photo appeared happy, behind the photographer what we didn't see was the military making sure that non-smiling faces were taken out). We were taught to look beyond the basics and ask questions about who produced the piece, what reason or motivation they had to produce it, and whether it was authentic and possibly typical.
I think that people in Chicago's jury did not go to this class, after their recent verdict was based on a statement on Wikipedia, where anyone can edit the articles anonymously...

If you ever wondered what famous painters painted before they got a good result, then thank DESY (the German particle accelerator in Hamburg) which has been able to reveal a picture of an unknown woman beneath his painting of a patch of grass. Maybe he wasn't pleased with the result, and got the wax crayons and scribbled all over it...

Any cows reading this should turn away now. These bovines are accused of damaging the environment through their frequent release of methane (through flatulence for instance). Despite there being just as many cases of this in humans (I can mention a good few), the cows get the full grunt of the blame. Now you can resume reading. So in order to help the environment, researchers in Australia have proposed changing from beef to kangaroo meat. Their stomaches apparently digest differently and so don't produce as much methane. I suppose it's from all that jumping around...

Keeping in Australia for a moment, a man has been sentenced to jail after being pulled over by cops for speeding. On investigation they found drugs, drug plants, and a rifle in his car. He had also apparently being doing the knuckle shuffle and filming it whilst driving at this speed. His long story could not make the judge believe that he found those items, and he was duly found guilty.

Companies are being persuaded more and more to be sparing with packaging and to recycle more. I don't think the message has quite got through to HP who sent out 17 boxes to a customer to protect 32 A4 pages.

The EU has made another attack on British measurements by outlawing the acre. Yes from now on we are only allowed to register new land in hectares. You can't fail them for trying, but you can definitely have a go at our government that didn't think it was an important issue and sent some lone junior minister to protect our standards...

People at Google have had enough of Wikipedia as well and have decided to produce their own version which shall be edited by people who know what they're doing. Is this a fight for standards or just another step towards world domination? You decide at knol.google.com.

An independent rwandan commission has accused France in playing an active role in the genocide of over 800 thousand rwandans in 1994. For a very good account of this along with everything else that has happened in the last 50 years in Africa, I highly recommend the book "The State of Africa" by Martin Meredith (search for it on amazon in the box to the left of this article - currently on offer at just over five pounds). Have recently finished reading it and found it amazingly enlightening.

And before we go out with Chelsea and her family for a bite to eat, last check of the weather shows that summer has been and gone. I must have blinked.

Keep on reading...

How to be English, Floral Pees, and Medals of Poverty

Whilst the heavens are currently falling down, what better thing to do than to update you on what's been going on.

So the Bierboerse was on this weekend in Mainz, so Carlitos, Luigi and I headed down there and did our fair share of tasting. A few steak rolls, donuts and sausages later and we're on to the Czech ones.

If it wasn't bad enough that the husbands are pulled along to the garden centres because their wives want to get the latest fashion in plants, but now going to the toilets there is made worse by the fact that they are installing floral urinals. Nothing like mother nature...

Polish migrant workers arriving in Dover are being handed out welcome packs with useful information about how to be English, talk about the weather, not talk about bowel movements when someone asks how you are, and that black tea is not being racist. Maybe one should also distribute these to some of our schools and see if some common sense also gets taught...

In Ghana medals to the value of 1.4 million dollars are being handed out to officials. This is obviously considered better for the country than, say, investing it in shelters or food for the population that lives in poverty. In fact this reminds me of Ethiopia during 1984/5 when Mengistu spent 150 million dollars on tenth anniversary celebrations whilst millions of Ethiopians were starving to death. This tragedy resulted in the Live Aid concerts taking place which raised over a billion dollars, but too late for the thousands of people who already had died. Sometimes people learn from history, sometimes they don't - but we need to learn how to react before it's too late.

Well, back to pulling down the hatches and stopping those storms from coming inside...